Clear Vision
by subaruxkamui4ever
Summary: SetoJoey yaoi. Joey's nightmares reveal a lost love between he and Seto from the past, but how can he show Seto that the love he has for the CEO is not the same as it was so long ago? And all along, did Seto know and never acknowledge his past with Joey?
1. Chapter First

Clear Vision

A Seto/Joey fanfic by subaruxkamui4ever (and ever and ever.....)

I hope everyone's not completely sick of this by now, I sure ain't. They're just so cute and angsty! And just for you who maybe haven't figured it out by now, this is yaoi. Yep, no way around this one at all. But secretly, you know you like it... Come on.

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. No, really, I don't. I swear!

Well, here we go. Wish me luck!

There are many things that I don't understand. This is true for everyone. Things that may seem clear to me are a mystery to others, and vice versa. However, is it possible for something to suddenly be shrouded in darkness? Something that was clearer to me than anything else had ever been, can it, seemingly without reason, be stripped of its clarity? I had thought that, above all else, I knew my own self. Isn't that something we all take comfort in? The fact that no one can see the real Me, it is untouchable to all but myself. I have since realized that I have no idea who I am. If you asked me who I was, I would tell you that my name is Joey. But even that may not be true anymore.

Clear Vision

I awoke suddenly. My body was covered in sweat, and my sheets were tangled around my feet. I glanced frantically around my dark room, trying to find my way back to reality. 'It was only a dream' I chanted in my head over and over, waiting for my breathing to steady. Laying my head back on my pillow, I placed my hand over my heart, and felt the rapid beating. "It was only a dream!" I spoke aloud this time, determined to convince myself. It was a dream, it had to be! What else could it have been? It just... felt so real. When I felt that I had fully calmed down, I let my mind wander back to the dream, trying to remember what had happened. But no matter how hard I thought about it, I could never remember. Not one single detail. How long had I been going on like this? The dreams, at first, were few and far between, and could be easily passed off as nightmares. That had been the case until last week, when they took me every single night. I had been losing sleep each night since then, and it was starting to take its toll on my life. I was starting to feel like I was living in a strange midpoint between sleep and wakefulness, always only half-aware of my surroundings. And still, not one recollection, not a single shred of evidence to prove that anything was happening at all. There was nothing I could do, nothing to help or hinder my situation. I became desperate, I could think of nothing else except knowing. I needed to know what was happening to me. But more than anything else, I needed to know what these visions were. What was I seeing that took my breath away so violently? What could terrify me without even truly existing in my mind? I had too many questions and not enough answers. I lived my life this way for one more week, haunted every night, until I couldn't go on any longer.

It happened at school, as I was about to go home after a long day. As I prepared to leave the campus, I thought of the night ahead of me. I was truly afraid to go to sleep at this point, knowing what awaited me once I fell into slumber. My relationships with both friends and enemies were beginning to crumble away. Only a shadow of the life I had led beforehand existed, as my actions and responses became more rote memorization and less spontaneous. To be honest, I couldn't even recollect the reason why I had hated Seto Kaiba. And Seto Kaiba, as it happens, was the key to breaking the spell that my own mind had cast over me.

I crossed the front lawn of the school, and set off in the direction of my house. I was exhausted, and barely had the energy to keep my eyes from closing as I walked. So caught up was I, that I failed to notice anyone at all, even those directly in my path. As I shuffled across the grass, my focus slipped more and more. Suddenly, I was knocked backwards. There was no time to regain my balance, and before I knew what had happened, I was on the ground. I heard a dry voice from above me. "Watch where the hell you're going, Wheeler." Even in my tired state, I recognized his voice immediately. Just the sound of him angered me, and on top of all my troubles, I just couldn't stand it! I stood up in a huff and whipped around to face him. "You know what Kaiba?" I said, my voice teetering between tears and fury, "I..." My voice trailed off as we made eye contact. I had been so angry with him just seconds before, but now I felt...I can't even recall exactly what happened anymore. The second our eyes met, the world around us was torn away like a thin, fragile piece of paper. In his eyes I saw everything. I saw every dream that I previously could not recall, all at once, in a blinding rush. Familiar scents and sounds, feelings of desperation and fear, that I felt were mine, but from when? A whole lifetime of experiences and emotions that were alien to me and yet I knew, I knew that they were mine. Mine and...his. I was terrified. In my panic I called out, not really aware of what I was screaming. "Sethe!" I cried as I flung both of my arms out to Seto, who looked at me with a mixture of fear and confusion in his face. "Wheeler, what are you..." he began but didn't have a chance to finish. In that one instant I felt the burden of 5000 years in my heart, in my soul, and the pressure was far too great. I felt myself fall forward, but I did not hit the ground. Something stopped my fall, at least in the physical realm, but in my mind, I fell for what seemed like an eternity. I fell into the darkness, and I slept.

AN: So, we're off to an interesting start, huh? If you've made it this far, I'm assuming that you, like myself, are not completely bored with this whole "I totally remember you from my past life blah blah blah..." crap. Maybe there's something wrong with me, but I just can't get enough of it. I'm mad, I tell you! I'm gonna keep writing it, so don't feel like you have to review just to get me to post (I hate it when people do that 'I won't write till I get this many reviews' like I'm not just writing it so I can read it myself anyway) but review if you liked it at all. Flames are cool too, it's cold here.


	2. Chapter Second

Clear Vision

A Seto/Joey fanfic by subaruxkamui4ever

Disclaimer: You might want to sit down for this one. I actually do not own Yu-Gi-Oh. Can you believe it? I can.

Quickly, I'd like to say thanks to Paladius, Markyc58, and Kumori Sakusha, you guys made me blush, which is actually very hard to do, my skin is really white. Looking back, I realized that Joey is a little OOC, isn't he? I suppose he is too stupid to even harbor feelings such as the ones I've given him. Well, since it's already AU, I might as well live out my fantasies. This story really writes itself, actually.

One...two...three...GO!

"I love you."

I looked longingly into the face of the man who was speaking to me. He loved me. He would follow me to the ends of the earth, and stand by my side no matter what horrors or joys I would experience, until the day I drew my last breath. I understood this well, for it was the same feeling I had for him.

"I love you."

It was my knowledge of this that kept me sane, that gave me the strength to calmly stand with him, be held by him, even in the face of our own death. He held me so tight, and I could feel his desperation and sorrow at the way we would meet our end, but I knew that he would never leave, even now. The flames began to tease at my robe, but I did not move nor did I cry out. This is the way it should be, I thought, and at that moment, I knew that no matter what our lives in the future may bring, we would always feel as passionately about each other as we did in this time, in our last moments. "Sethe!" I cried, trying to be heard over the hissing and crackling of the fire that consumed everything around us. There wasn't much time left. The flames roared and spat, the waves of heat that washed over us were unbearable, and yet, all I could see and feel was him. The smoke that filled the room scorched my throat and lungs, made my eyes water, and before long my face was streaming with tears. Perhaps it was just the smoke in my eyes, or...perhaps, it was the way he held me, gently but so strong, almost forcefully, as if nothing in the world could pry me from his arms. Perhaps both. He slowly leaned toward me, and kissed me softly. "Zahra," he whispered in my ear, "please, don't ever forget me. Promise me we'll find each other again...please..." I could feel his breath on my skin, despite the drowning heat. It felt so cool on my skin, and I looked up, into his eyes and I... I smiled. I smiled the most honest, open, and most joyful smile, and I truly felt it in my soul. It permeated my entire being until I felt as though I weighed nothing at all, and I was nowhere but here with him, wherever that may be. "I swear to you, no matter what, I will find you, and I will never let you go. Even if we are sworn and hated enemies, I will make you see the truth. You cannot escape me..." I looked through his eyes and saw into his heart, and I knew that he understood.

And I felt truly at peace.

Laying my head on his shoulder, I opened my eyes...and woke up.

Realizing that I really was awake, I sat up quickly and surveyed my surroundings. I had no idea where I was or how I had gotten there. Glancing around for clues, the only thing I knew was that I was in a bedroom. A large one. The dark blue curtains hanging over the windows were drawn, and a few small streams of late afternoon sunlight fell through the folds, casting a shadowy red pallor all around. The walls were bare, the closet was empty, and the sole piece of furniture besides the bed I was on was a large desk, way in the other corner of the room. The whole area had an extremely sterile feel to it, almost hostile, but too impersonal to imply anything directly. I scooted over to the edge of the bed and swung my legs over to the floor, not standing up. After all that...I needed to think. Never mind where I was, the more important matter was who I was. Did I even know? Was that really me, in that dream? Now that I had finally discovered what had been plaguing my sleep all this time, I wondered if things had been better before. But if it all was true, then...Did Kaiba know? He couldn't, there was no way. After all, we had been in love... As soon as that thought crossed my mind, I flung myself back down on the bed in avoidance. I desperately did not want to face that fact, but with every second that ticked by, I felt it more and more. Yes, we had been in love. Deeply. So much that those passionate feelings had indeed carried over into this life. Maybe we were displaying it differently, but still. Weren't love and hate opposite sides of the same coin, anyway? As much as I hated to admit to it, there was no real explanation of why we hated each other to begin with. We didn't even know each other. Or so I had thought. But now...

I opened myself up to my own feelings. I thought back to the dream, the memory I kept of my last seconds as my previous self. What had been my name? I couldn't remember. His name had been Sethe. "Sethe," I spoke out loud, testing the word on my tongue to see how it felt. It gave me a chill, sending a trail of goosebumps down my body. It also stirred within me a feeling, deep down, deeper than I had imagined anything could be felt. "Sethe!" I called, a little louder than the last, and the stirring turned into a surge of feeling that threatened to boil over if I did not stop. I couldn't stop, not now. I was afraid, so afraid, but my promise! I began to ache in my heart, feeling the pangs of loss after thousands of years apart. He must feel something! 'How could he forget me?' I thought, which was quickly accompanied by 'How could I have forgotten him?' I felt a sharp stab of guilt at that, which only served to upset me more. This was too much for me to handle all on my own, I needed him, and I always had. Nothing mattered anymore, all the suffering was over between us. I lost myself completely in the feeling and I cried out to him. "SETHE! SETHE!" I screamed over and over again, desperate to feel him near me. It had been far too long. "SETHE!"

Suddenly the door swung open, and he rushed into the room. He stood there and stared at me, wordlessly. I was taken aback when I saw him. I knew, in the back of my head, that here in this world, his name was Seto Kaiba. However, I had abandoned all reason long ago. I saw through that exterior, into his soul, and I saw him. He was indeed Sethe, the man I had loved so long ago. Did he see me? Did he know my name? He stared into my eyes as I stared into his, and I saw him waver, as if he had lost his balance in my gaze, and I spoke.

"Sethe, it's really you," I said and smiled. A solitary tear slipped down my cheek and fell noiselessly on the back of my hand. He said nothing, only looked at my face, noticing my tears. "Oh, Sethe, please, say something!" I grew horrified as the confusion on Kaiba's face spread rampantly. "Don't you know me at all?"

Kaiba looked at the ground for a moment and sighed helplessly.

"What has happened to you, Wheeler?"

Ouch. Man, that sucks. Well, hey! What did you think? Horrifyingly sappy and angsty? YES! I wonder if there's a happy ending in store for these guys. I sure hope so. Anyway, lather, rinse and review as necessary. I sure hope you're having at least one millionth as much fun as I'm having. See ya!


	3. Chapter Third

Clear Vision

A Seto/Joey fanfic by subaruxkamui4ever

I think I may say this every time around, but THANK YOU! Everyone who reviewed my story was so polite and so flattering! I was going to put off writing this chapter for a few days, but here we are. I think I may be more excited to find out what happens more than anyone else. I usually illustrate, so this is my first storyline only attempt, but I'm having a lot of fun. Well, shall we?

"What has happened to you, Wheeler?"

With those words, I felt as though he had stabbed me straight through the heart. I stared at him, gaping, unsure of what I could say next that would rectify the situation. No words came. I realized that he had no idea to whom I was referring, and he was beginning to get angry. Damn him, couldn't he be understanding for one second? I opened my mouth to say something, anything, but before I could get a word out, he already had. "Do you remember what happened yesterday?" That stopped my train of thought. Yesterday? I glanced towards the window, seeing the late afternoon sunlight glow red and purple against the drapes. But that meant...I had been asleep for over 24 hours. Oh, god. Had I really let things get this bad? "I'm assuming that you don't," he continued. "Well, let me refresh your memory. First, you almost knocked me over at school yesterday. And then, after I told you to watch yourself, you passed out and knocked into me again. So I brought you back here. I didn't have time to take you anywhere because I have a business to run. I can't take care of every second rate duelist that gets a cold." His tone was harsh and unforgiving. "And you calling me by a name that isn't mine is really starting to piss me off. So are you leaving or what?"

I couldn't believe it. He was so...Kaiba. He really was the same person. I didn't answer him. Instead, I looked away, away from his eyes that showed me so much. I felt as though I'd woken up from a long sleep, and I knew that I had, but not the kind of sleep that I had just gotten. I felt refreshed in a way that I had never felt before. My vision was clear, I was seeing the whole world in a new light, and everything made a lot more sense. I knew the reason for everything. I knew why we hated each other, I knew why he did everything he did. It was like meeting someone you lived with for years and years after being separated for a long time. I looked at him, truly looked at him, and I saw him. Not the Seto Kaiba that I saw in school everyday. This was someone else to me. Every facial expression, every mannerism, I could read everything about him, I knew what he was thinking, feeling, at any point in time. He looked at me defensively, as if I were penetrating some shield of defense that he understood to be unpenetrable. "Well? What the hell are you staring at, Wheeler?"

"I'm staring at you, Sethe," I said pointedly. I stared into his eyes, hoping that I could show him everything, the way he had shown me. "I know that your name here is Seto, but I know who you really are. Why won't you admit it? Don't you know yourself? Do you even remember the promise I made to you? You begged me to ...." Tears slid down my cheeks, but I made no effort to stop them. I couldn't help it, couldn't help my own feelings. I just felt so lost. I remembered everything, but he remembered nothing. And I had loved him so much. But still, I had made a promise, and I would stand by my word, no matter what.

"Listen to me, Seto. I'm going to tell you everything. OK? I'll tell you all that's been going on. I have to, because you are involved, and I made you a promise, a long time ago. I promised you that I would tell you everything I'm about to tell you, so...don't get mad." He looked at me, extremely annoyed but interested enough, probably for something he could use to belittle me later. I didn't care what his reasons were. All that mattered to me was for him to see. For him to remember me. Now that I knew what had been missing from my life all this time, I felt like every second that we were apart was excruciating. It felt as though a piece of me was gone, as if he had it and refused to give it back. I just couldn't accept the fact that he didn't remember me at all.

"Seto, I know that you hate everything that has to do with the millennium items, and the origin of duel monsters in ancient Egypt, but it has to do with that."

A look of irritation passed over his face, but he sat down next to me on the bed and motioned for me to continue. "Well, back then, you know, when you were the High Priest, do you....remember anything from around that time?" His eyes glazed over for a moment, as if trying to recall, but then he looked at me and shook his head. "OK. It's OK...um" Oh my god, what was I going to say? I couldn't even think of how to "break it gently" to him, so I just decided to take the plunge. He deserved to know.

"Sethe, you and I were...well...we were lovers. We were in love, and for some reason or another, we were killed. Together," I added, hoping that maybe it would strike a chord somewhere within him. So far, his face revealed nothing. I continued. "I began to remember things about us. At first I just had visions in my sleep that were gone as soon as I woke up, but the second that I saw into your eyes that day, yesterday, I remembered everything. At least, everything about the way we died. And then, just now before you came in, I saw it all in a dream. Everything that was said between us, how we felt, Sethe, we were so scared," I began to remember it all as I retold the story to him. "Why did they do this to us?...I can't remember, I'm sorry, I just can't. I wish I knew why..." The tears found their way across my face once more, collecting on the tip of my chin before falling off in droplets that disappeared into the comforter of the bed I had slept in, the bed I had seen it all in. "And we were so happy together, you and I, we loved each other so much, and just before we died in the fire, you made me promise that I would find you, no matter what. I told you that no matter who we were, we would be together again, and now..." I began to sob, taking sharp breaths in-between words, and I wasn't making much sense anymore. "Now, you hate me, and you don't see, you don't see who I am, why? Why don't you know me?" My voice grew louder with each interrogation, as my desperation and frustration grew. I looked up into his eyes, searching for answers to the questions I threw at him. I found none. All I saw was a boy who refused to accept himself. And that was when I realized what was going on. He hated himself. I couldn't believe it. Seto Kaiba, who, in his current carnation, was so stuck up and snobbish that he couldn't be known to associate with the likes of me or anyone else, he...hated himself? Slowly, it all began to come together in my mind. He couldn't accept who he was in this life, so how could he ever open himself up to any of his past lives? I started to understand, now, why Sethe had wanted to entrust this task to me. He must have known himself, knew his weaknesses, and my strengths.

Under the scrutiny of my gaze, Seto began to look uncomfortable. He looked back and forth between my eyes and the door. I wondered if anyone had ever cried in front of him, let alone he actually cry about anything. I reached out and grasped at his shirt sleeve, trying to hold him there. "No, please, Seth-...Seto, stay," I pleaded with him. "I know it seems like a lot, but... you have to try and remember. It's so important to you, believe me, if you could remember, anything at all..." I reached out with my other hand and placed it across his cheek, leaning towards his face. I think he realized what I was going to do before I did, but I suppose he was so shocked that he couldn't do anything to stop it, and in seconds, my lips were on his. I was acting on pure emotion at that point, and only realized what I was doing after the fact. I was kissing Seto Kaiba. And, just for a moment, he kissed me back. With that false sense of security, I tried to deepen the kiss. Which he responded to by slapping me in the face, and running out of the room. The slap brought me back to my senses, and I realized what I had done. I held my hand to my burning cheek, and cried for both he and I, and our lost love.

Right. I think I'm actually going to cry now. It's just not fair! Poor Joey... oh, well. I swear, things will be alright in the end, even if I have to kill them both! (I won't do that.) If you're reading this, that means you've read three chapters of this and you're still here, which I appreciate. I got that game, Kaiba the Revenge for PC, and I can't stop playing it. Kaiba called me a dog and I swear I screamed I was so happy! Oh, the fun we have... review if you like, it makes me feel fuzzy inside. And thanks again!


	4. Chapter Fourth

Clear Vision

A Seto/Joey fanfic by subaruxkamui4ever

I apologize for the wait. I've been working mad overtime at my job to make sure I have lots of money for Yaoi-Con. I'm so glad I live within an hour to S.F. Also, I'm sorry if I offended anyone by calling Joey stupid (my head is hung in shame). What I meant is that he seems like a simple guy, who wouldn't really angst this much. I also think he's a lot stronger than I wrote him to be. I'm sorry Joey! I'm treating you like crap!

I felt as though there could be no end to the terrible pain that tore through my soul. I foresaw no light at the end of the tunnel. I saw no end at all. I cursed the nightmares that plagued my mind, even now I could still see it, a sad show of terror and heartbreak that was constantly playing itself behind my eyelids. I could stand it no more. Something had to be done. But what? Could I just walk away ...? No. Never. As much as it hurt me, I could never abandon him again. No, he would just have to be made to see, wouldn't he? I laid back into the sheets of the bed, his bed, I realized at that moment. It was his bed, wasn't it? Suddenly curious, I sat up and stood on my feet. I didn't think that he'd return too quickly, if ever, so I was safe for a little exploring. Just a little couldn't hurt.

Looking around Seto's room was a lot like looking at Seto. It seemed empty, barren of anything that could stir an emotion or memory inside. It was like looking at nothing at all. But I knew that wasn't the real Seto Kaiba. Anyone could guess that. Walking across the navy carpet, I opened the door that he had run out of so quickly. Thinking of that caused me to remember why he had run in the first place. I had been trying to avoid thinking about that for awhile, but now that it was on my mind, it refused to be ignored. I shut the door and walked back towards the bed, falling face first into the pillows that were strewn across the upper half. I couldn't explore anything. I didn't belong here. However sad it made me feel, it was true. What business did I have here, in this house, with that boy, who knew nothing about me at all? Not only did it break my heart; it also made me angry. Why was I the only one who had to suffer because of what had happened to us? Wasn't the fact that it happened enough? My mind slowly turned to other related things, such as ...the kiss. That was most certainly not planned. I had no idea I had done it, until I already had. I felt as though I had been possessed. Possessed perhaps, by the ghost of my old self. By the feelings inside me that still lingered, hoping to be resolved, released. But I couldn't do it without him. And I had already scared him off. I was at the end of my rope, what could I possibly do to fix this mess? And I was still so tired! All I had done for a whole day was slept, and here I was, unable to keep my eyes open. Everything was just so overwhelming. But I had to keep calm. Somebody had to, and it certainly wasn't going to be Seto. No, if I was going to win this thing, which I meant to, I was going to have to calculate each and every move. This was the most risky duel I had ever taken part in. "The game of love," I said to myself, laughing quietly. As I fell into sleep once again, my last thought was that I had, in fact, drawn the worst hand, ever.

"Joey..."

"Please, Joey, wake up."

The words echoed all around me, spilling into my subconscience and encompassing everything around me. Still, I felt as though they were alien, strange words that I had never heard before, words spoken in a lost language. A language I used to know.

"Joey, what's wrong? Wake up!"

Who was Joey? Certainly it couldn't be me. The voice pulled at me, threatening to tear me away from the state of bliss I had finally been able to seek refuge in. I didn't want to leave this place, ever. This was where we could be together, forever, Sethe and I both. I tried to sink deeper into my safehaven, falling deeper, deeper, to the lost and desolated cavern of my soul. Still, the voice penetrated my hiding place, seeking me everywhere, rippling back and forth, all around me.

"Joey, can't you hear me? You're crying, Joey, I'm ...sorry. Just wake up!"

No! I didn't want to go back! Couldn't the voice understand? I flew into a rage immediately, like an animal backed into a corner with no foreseeable way out. I lashed out with my voice, offended at the audacity of whoever it was, calling me that name.

"MY NAME IS ZAHRA! DON'T YOU KNOW MY NAME ANYMORE?"

I screamed as loud as I could. The words tore at my throat, and my eyes flew open at the pain it caused. I looked around in a daze, not recognizing where I was at all. I felt a steady pressure on my arms and looked down at them. His hands were curled around my biceps, holding me down as if in fear that I would harm myself. His hands... I glanced up at his face. Not Sethe... Seto. Seto Kaiba. "I do know you...," I said softly as I looked into his eyes, which were stricken with panic. "You're Seto Kaiba." Slowly my memories of this lifetime cane back to me. I wasn't Zahra anymore, I was Joey Wheeler, and I was at Seto Kaiba's house...still.

Seto stared at me and gradually loosened his grip on my arms, but kept his hands where they were, waiting for something. His face was not far from mine, not far at all. I thought that I could feel his breath against my face, ever so slightly. Underneath him, I felt very weak, but also very safe. The fact that he had overpowered me, was now in total control of me was not threatening at all, it was reassuring. He was trying to protect me from myself. The sun had gone from the sky hours beforehand, and the silver light of the moon shone into the room and fell on Seto's face, shadowing in places, and in other places illuminating gently. He was not angry, he was worried, it seemed. He saw my gaze had fallen on his face, and he began to speak.

"Joey...are you alright? You've been crying for awhile in your sleep..." He lifted his left hand from my arm, and brought it to my face. His fingers trailed down my cheek slowly, in an attempt to wipe away the evident misery from my face. I closed my eyes at the unexpected contact, but didn't move or make a sound, determined not to scare him away again. "Joey?"

"Yeah?"

"Who is Zahra?"

I took a deep breath. Seto didn't move, still hovering over me, as though I were the most fragile thing in the world. "I am," I said simply. "Zahra is my name, my old name. Zahra was the person you loved, with all your heart. But Zahra is dead now. And so is Sethe. We are all that is left of them now." It was a sad thing to say, but it was true. Still, that was something, wasn't it? We had each other, the same feelings remained, at least...mine did. I looked at him, in his face, his eyes. I was in love with him. But he was not in love with me. And I couldn't live with that.

"Sometimes," Seto began, almost uncharacteristically stuttering, "when I look at your eyes...I feel as though I'm about to fall into something very deep. I waver, and have to catch my balance. Maybe there is something there, between us...but it doesn't matter"

What? It doesn't matter? The shock and pain in my eyes must have been evident, because he quickly sat up, away from me, and averted his gaze. He continued.

"You don't know me at all," He stated icily. "If you really did, you wouldn't try to make me remember. You have no idea of the kind of person that I am and you don't want to. I don't belong with you. I don't belong with anyone..." he trailed off wistfully.

"I'm not the person you love."

AN: Holy crap, what is wrong with this guy? Angst city! Aren't these moments great, though? I can't get enough, it would seem. Well, if you can't get enough either, please review. It's nice to know that I'm not alone in this torture. And if you're going to be at Yaoi-Con, feel free to come up to me and say whatever. I'll be wearing the Seto/Joey shirt I made ITS FABULOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!! See ya!


	5. Chapter Fifth

Clear Vision

A Seto/Joey fanfic by subaruxkamui4ever

Once again, another fabulous time at Yaoi-Con! I spent a hell of a lot of money. No, really. I bought every Seto/Joey doujinshi in the building, so if you were looking for it....sucks to be you! I win the game! Heh, heh... anyway, that's the reason I haven't updated in awhile, I'm terribly sorry, but it is my duty as a puppyshipper to go to wherever there is doujinshi, buy all the puppyshipping, and methodically destroy every piece of silentshipping I can find (makes...me...so......ANGRY! I just wanna pull off all my limbs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate you, silentshipping! HATE!).

Well.

That seems to be quite enough of that. I'm actually really nice in real life. Swear.

Fanfare!!!! DA-DA-DA! And now...on with the show!

"I don't belong with you. I don't belong with anyone..." he trailed off wistfully.

"I'm not the person you love."

He continued to stare intently at the floor, refusing to meet my gaze. I waited for a minute, to see if he would say anything else, but he did not. He didn't move nor speak, and I could scarcely even hear his breath. He had become an immovable fortress, and nothing I could say or do would ever reach him. Or so he thought. Looking at him, watching for any movement and finding none, I thought about how long it must have taken him to develop this kind of ultimate defense. I was sure it came with the territory, losing his parents at such a young age, being adopted by a cold and heartless man who wanted nothing more than to build Seto into a well oiled machine, perfected only to carry on his legacy. And then the burden of raising Mokuba, when he himself still needed to be raised and loved. Slowly over time, each hardship like a brick, over and over they were laid, until he had built this terrible wall. His life's work. This was all he had to show for the 17 years he had resided in this lifetime, as Seto Kaiba. And he hid behind it every chance he got. It was the cold glare he gave to anyone who dared to interact with him on a human level. It was his total disregard for the feelings of anyone, ever, save his brother. It was even the lack of respect and love for his own self. His absence of self worth. And above all, his inability to remember. Well, I didn't care. I was sick and tired of his attitude. In no way was I trying to make light of the horrible events that had befallen him, but I had taken my share of tumbles as well, and we had obviously chosen two completely different paths. Mine had been the path to healing and renewal, while the path he had chosen seemed to lead down a dark and twisted road, and no matter how far he traveled, he always ended up right where he began, only much closer to death.

"What do you know about it?" I demanded casually. He stilled even further, if such a thing were possible, and I heard a sharp intake of breath. He blinked several times, I was sure I had shocked him. I had shocked myself. But the words flowed out anyway, regardless of whether they were hurtful or not. "I mean...you said yourself that you didn't remember a thing, so how can you tell if you're the one I love or not? It seems to me that I would have a lot better of an idea than you would. And it really doesn't matter if you 'think you're not good enough' or whatever because that really doesn't even enter into it, now does it? I love you, Seto Kaiba..." By this time, my voice had risen slowly until I was literally screaming. I felt the sting of tears in my already tear swollen eyes, but I bit them back, determined to take a swing at the ice that surrounded his soul, if only just to make it slightly splinter. "...and I made you a promise, and I intend to keep it. Even if it kills me! So until I can make you see, I don't really care what your opinion is on the situation because it isn't an _educated_ one. Oh, and one more thing...I'm not ever going to leave you. You can choose to rely on me or you can push me away, but I'm going to stay by your side, no matter what. Listen to me...I know that I'm having these dreams for a reason. I also know that we've never, ever been nice or even civil to each other but...I've always felt strongly about you. Perhaps I just misinterpreted these feelings inside me the whole time. You have to admit, there really isn't any reason why you pick on me far more than anyone else. And really, the whole puppy thing-"

"Shut up"

I looked up quickly. I had been talking so long, I had gotten carried away. I hadn't meant to make him upset or angry, but it seemed that I had accomplished just that. He had brought his head up to look at me some time ago, and when my eyes met with his, I realized that I had made him furious. I should have expected it, really, but I was still frightened. I wasn't entirely sure of what he was capable of, especially in his anger. He stood up abruptly, and took a stand-offish pose, folding his arms in front of his chest and smirking coldly down upon me. I felt so small in his shadow, and I tried to speak, but he cut me off once again. "Se-"

"Just shut up. Who do you think you are? This is my room, my house, and you're still in it. And I really don't know why. I don't have time to sit here and listen to you babble on about what you think of me. I don't care what you or anyone else thinks about me, so why don't you just get the hell out? If you'll excuse me, I have plenty of things I'd rather be doing. I can't sit here and listen to your little love confession all night. Goodbye." He swiftly turned his back on me, and stalked importantly away, towards the door. Not even giving me a last glance, his hand found the doorknob, and it began to turn.

"No" I said, very matter-of-fact.

The doorknob spun back into place, and he froze where he stood. Without turning around, I heard him speak, quietly, but very serious. "What did you say?"

I couldn't even believe that I had said it, let alone what I was about to say. But there was no turning back now. If this was the game he wanted to play, then so be it.

"I won't."

He turned around to face me, and stared directly into my face. I could almost feel the fury coming off of him in waves, but I wasn't afraid of him. There wasn't anything he could do to me that would make me leave now. He took a step forward and put his hands on his hips haughtily. "You want to run that by me one more time?" he asked, his voice slow but steady. He sounded like he was about to snap.

"Do I have to spell it out for you, Seto? I'm...not...leaving. I thought I had made that clear, but I guess you didn't catch that, did you?" I laughed out loud at my own joke, partly because of the look on his face, and partly because I was so unnerved by my own audacity. His eyes widened in anger and surprise, but I held my own, and didn't look away for a second. The next few moments were extremely uncomfortable. Both of us just stared at each other, unsure of what to do next, but refusing to back away. Determined to stand my ground, I stood up off of the bed, and mocked his stance, placing my hands on my hips and lifting my head up high. I almost giggled, realizing how funny the situation would look to anyone not involved, but I wouldn't be the one who broke the silence. I wanted to see what he would do next. And even though I was waiting for it, it still shocked the hell out of me.

"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!" he yelled, and flung his hand towards the door.

"NO!" I screamed. I let my pose go as my hands fell to my sides. "I won't leave! I don't care what you do to me, I'm staying!" As if to prove my point, I jumped onto his bed and stuck my tongue out at him. "I'm not scared of you, so you can go ahead and yell at me, I don't care." Having said that, I casually laid down on the pillows, and looked expectantly at Seto, who looked...at a loss. He stared at me, no longer appearing to be angry. In fact, he seemed to be mulling it over in his head. I guessed that maybe this was the first time someone had given him no for an answer, and he didn't quite know what to do with it. While he stood there in silence, I made myself quite at home in his bed. I took off my jacket and my shoes, and slipped under the covers. "Come on, Seto, it's late." Glancing around the room, I found a small alarm clock next to the bed. It read 4:08 am. "It's four o'clock in the morning. Tomorrow's Sunday, and you'll have all day to stand there like an idiot. Let's go to sleep". I wondered how long he would let me play this game. I sincerely doubted he would actually let me sleep there, but he hadn't said a word, nor had he moved. Sighing, I turned over and faced the wall, waiting to be pulled out of the bed and thrown to the floor. After a minute or two had passed, I heard a footstep, then another one, closer to where I laid. My body tensed up, waiting for the blow...but it never came. The footsteps came all the way to the bed and stopped. Silence followed, an unbearable silence, but I was too afraid to turn over and see what he was up to. Moments later, I felt a weight settle on the other side of the bed. He had sat down, next to me, and I felt my breath hitch in my throat. I couldn't move a single muscle, I was frozen to that spot, gripping the sheet in my hands. Suddenly the pillow next to mine sunk slightly, and some of the sheet was pulled away. I couldn't believe it. Seto had come to bed, just like I had told him to. I didn't want to do anything to make him angrier or more upset, so I kept facing the wall, and listened to him breathe. At first, he drew ragged, frustrated breaths, but after awhile, they slowed and steadied until I thought he was asleep. Still, I didn't want to move. What if I woke him up? I wasn't really that tired, I had slept so much in the past day and a half, but I wouldn't risk disturbing him. I let a few minutes pass, to make sure he was really asleep, and I gently rolled over until I was facing him. He was lying on his back, eyes closed and breathing softly. I had never seen him look so peaceful. The moonlight shone in through the window, and bathed his skin in its glow, casting a milky white tone on his face. His hair reflected the light, creating an illusion that made it look like it was streaked with silver, and his eyelashes fanned down on his cheeks, casting butterfly shadows across his face. It was then that I realized how long I had been staring at him. He was beautiful. I reached out, wanting to touch his face, but I pulled back quickly. I couldn't wake him up. I laid back on my pillow, still facing him, and continued to stare until sleep claimed me as well.

AN:Well, that wasn't angsty at all, was it? Incidentally, I had planned on lightening the mood with this chapter, the story was getting kinda heavy (you're all like, "kinda heavy? the weight of the world...") but as you can see, things did not go as planned. You know, this isn't the story I origionally meant to write... I don't know what this is, this ain't it. This is something else. But I like it a lot anyway. It writes itself, you know. I sat down tonight and I said "Hey story", and the story was like "Hey" and I was like "So, I've got this idea for the story, and well..." and the story was like "hey that's great but I'm running this show so shut up and type". And I did. That's what happened. So if you didn't like it, blame Mr. Story. Flame him, not me. However, overjoyous reviews can still be directed at me. He'll never know the difference.


	6. Chapter Sixth

Clear Vision 

A Seto/Joey fanfic by subaruxkamui4ever

Uh...I am so sick. My nose won't stop running, and my throat hurts. I feel like crap. But still, I bring to you the puppyshipping! I just really want to know what happens. Recently, I have become absolutely obsessed with a particular sort of Seto/Joey fic that hasn't really been fully explored yet. Here's the basic plot. Joey is an... ahem...exotic dancer (cough) and perhaps /prostitute. He's run away from his Father and has no other way of making enough money. Seto, through some impossible chance, finds out, freaks out, then realizes that what he really wants is a lap dance. All of this whilst the both of them slowly fall in love, and in the end, Seto rescues Joey from his filthy and self destructive lifestyle, and they live happily ever after. Ahhh....I just love it. And there's next to nothing like this. I've read, like, three, and they were so good, I need more. But there is no more! So...if you guys aren't doing anything later tonight...maybe if you get bored...you could...you know...type a little somethin-somethin? For me? Pretty please....?

I came back to consciousness slowly and peacefully, a few hours later. I spent awhile in that blissful state that lies between opening your eyes and realizing that you're awake, drifting in and out of sound reason. It had been so long since I'd had a good restful sleep, with no nightmares or intrusive visions to plague my subconscience. Wait...what? The thought stirred my flighty mind into a more coherent state. I hadn't had a vision. Or a nightmare...or anything at all. My first reaction was very positive, I smiled triumphantly and stuck my fist in the air above my face in a victory punch. Good riddance, I thought. But after a moment of thinking, my smile faded and I grew more serious. What if they really were gone for good? Wasn't that what I had wanted all this time? I wasn't so sure anymore. Yes, they had been literally ripping my life apart for some time now, but these were my memories. This was all I had left of the person I had been. And I still fully believed that it was no coincidence that they came to me at all. It was a message from myself, and not just the person I was in a life long gone. This was direct contact with the person I have always been, and always will be, until the end of time itself. The very essence of my being. No matter how many lifetimes we lead, or how many people we have been, there is always, at the very core of your soul, the You that will always be unchanged through time. And I was desperately trying to remind myself that I had a promise to keep.

Grinning, I tilted my head to the side to see what Seto looked like in the morning, a thought that amused me terribly. He was always so...together. Not a stray hair or a wrinkle in sight. Looking at the place next to me, where he had been asleep earlier, I realized that he was gone. Seeing this, I sat up quickly, and looked around for any signs of life. There were none. I slowly sat back down on the bed. Now what, I thought. Should I go look for him? After a few moments I concluded that I probably shouldn't. However, I thought that what I should do is get something to eat. After the earlier events, I realized how long it had been since I'd last eaten. Thinking about that only made me twice as hungry, so I got out of bed and proceeded towards the door. I had never actually been outside Seto's room this whole time, so I had no idea where the food might be located, but at this point...oooh, it hurt. Turning the doorknob, I cracked the door open slightly and peeked through the slit I had made. I could see a long, somewhat dark hallway that ended in a door. That couldn't be the way. Getting slightly braver, I widened the crack so that I could poke my head out and peer around the door itself. That way led to...a staircase. Perfect. That had to be the way. I became far too exited. I pulled my head back into the room, thinking about all the kinds of things that Seto must keep in his kitchen. I mean, he was rich, right? He probably had a giant kitchen, like a stadium, so that even when he was cooking breakfast you could still hear him laughing maniacally at nothing at all, echoing all around. Chuckling at the thought, I swung the door wide open and rushed out of the room, only to come into harsh contact with something immediately. I was in such a hurry that the force of the impact threw me to the ground, and I immediately sat up and looked to see what I had done. There in front of me, lying on the ground just as I was, Seto Kaiba.

"Oh, Seto! I'm sorry," I said immediately, and I stood up quickly and stepped over to him, offering a hand. He took it, and I pulled him up to his feet. After he was steady, he looked at my hand in his, and I realized that I just hadn't let go of it yet. He looked at me with eyes completely devoid of opinion, and waited to see what I would do. I pulled my hand out of his, and looked away. "Sorry..." I mumbled softly. He remained the same, and if he heard me, he gave no indication. Then he spoke.

"Where were you off to in such a hurry? Giving up after all?" he challenged. I looked back into his face and saw the questioning gaze. He really did want to know if I was leaving or not. He gave no indication of his preference in my answer, but at least he was interested. I smirked authoritatively and slowly walked past him. I saw him turn as he watched me saunter down the hall, waiting for an answer. "You wish, moneybags," I called back, still continuing towards the staircase. "I'm just making myself at home."

The house was breathtaking. As I stepped down towards the bottom floor, I could take in a lot of the main house all at once. I had never seen so many breakable things in all my life, let alone all in the same house. Everything was beautiful, from the ceiling to the floor, but there was the same empty feeling here as there was in Seto's bedroom. It seemed...not lived in. Nothing here could be touched or played with, it was just another display of his disgusting wealth, which brought him no satisfaction whatsoever. But still...I could get used to this. When I reached the bottom of the staircase, I debated on whether to go right or left. Looking down both ways, each one seemed as though it might contain a kitchen somewhere. I stood there, unsure of what to do, when Seto came out from behind me and took a right, not pausing to even give me a sign that he noticed I was there, and lost. I hadn't even heard him coming down the steps. I wondered if he would get mad if I followed him. After a moment, I decided that I didn't care if he did or not. And I was still really hungry. I took off in the direction he had gone in, rushing to catch up.

AN: Go Joey! Never give up, never surrender! I'm so proud of him. I was hoping he wouldn't crack under all the pressure I was putting on him. I knew he was a strong guy. I really like the way Seto's acting as well. It seems like he's always just waiting to see what Joey will do next. It's nice to see him let go of some of those control issues. Now strip, Joey! STRIP! Oh, God, I'm so sick....


	7. Chapter Seventh

Clear Vision 

A Seto/Joey fanfic by subaruxkamui4ever

Hey, hey HEY! How's everyone doing? I'm fine! As in not sick (yay!). Thanks to everyone who wished me well, it worked! You guys are good at this. OK, I have a question for you all. I know you're all busy writing your slutty Joey stories for me (smile?), but I need to know. It is a matter of dearest import. Can anyone tell me where I can find the Kaiba Corp. Grand Prix episodes on the internet or something? I've found almost all the pharaoh's memories episodes with little to no trouble, which I think is weird, since those are newer, but whatever. I have to see them. Or I will die. It's very simple, really. Anyone who can tell me will get, well, whatever they want. Name your poison.

And now, I present to you....this chapter!

I took off in the direction he had gone in, rushing to catch up. "Seto, wait up," I called out as soon as I had him in my sight. If he heard me, he didn't show it. He kept walking across the room at a brisk pace, with me trailing behind him. I caught up with him finally and took up his pace, walking alongside him. Watching his face for a reaction, I spoke. "Hey, where were you this morning? You weren't there when I woke up." Wearing a disappointed face, I waited for his answer. He didn't say a word, nor did he notice the effort I was putting into my expression. He sharply turned into an open doorway, as if trying to lose me in chase. "Hey, wait!" I yelled, backtracking a few steps hurriedly to follow him. I went through the same doorway and stopped. He was standing silently, waiting for me to enter the room. Looking past his still figure, I realized that he had lead me to the kitchen. It wasn't as big as I had imagined earlier, but it was still bigger than any other I had ever seen. "Is this what you were trying to find?" he asked me, folding his arms over his chest. I nodded. "Well, then, if you'll excuse me..." he brushed past me and headed back the way we had come.

"Hey, aren't you going to answer me?" I asked him, hoping he wouldn't ignore me and continue. I had to find a way to keep him in here. There wasn't any way that I could help our situation if he was planning on running away whenever he saw me. He stopped in the doorway, without turning around, and was silent. I sighed inwardly, this was a long road I had chosen. But still, this was my choice. I didn't have to be here, with this boy who obviously had no wish to share a single thing with anyone. And I was asking him to share his entire life with me. But still, I had to wonder about his true intentions. Was he really going to let me walk around his home as I pleased, sleeping in his bed, intruding on his life? Had he even thought about me at all? Or was he just following his regular pattern, regardless of whether I was there or not? If that was the case, who was to say he wouldn't throw me out as soon as I was found to be too inconvenient for his lifestyle? But then, wouldn't have already done it? My mind swam with hundreds of possible outcomes while we stood there, in silence. Finally, he spoke.

"I wasn't there when you woke up. That's all you need to know. I feel no obligation to answer to you every time I do something you didn't want or expect." The voice I heard was coolly executed, as if he had been planning to say those words in that way. As if he knew what I was going to ask, before I asked him. I wasn't satisfied with his answer, however, and I pressed on. "I never said you did. I was just, I wanted to know where you had gone. I was concerned..." I was still speaking to the back of his head. I knew that if I tried to make him face me, he would get angry or maybe leave, so I let him be. I had a funny feeling about the whole situation, especially since I'd realized that I hadn't dreamt of him at all, and I somehow knew that he had an answer. "Tell me..."

He didn't speak at first, so I patiently waited, knowing that he was listening, waiting for me to move or continue. I did neither, and was as still as he was. The seconds slowed to days between us, as we stood in silence. Until he broke it.

"I...had a dream. A nightmare, really. It woke me up before you, but I couldn't go back to sleep. And I didn't want to...wake you. So I went to my office to work for awhile." He turned so he could see me, looking at my face to gauge my reaction. I tried not to betray my feelings of what he had told me, keeping my face devoid of emotion, although I doubted it was as effective as he could be at that game. "Satisfied?" he asked me, as if it had been a great burden for him to tell me. "Yes," I replied. I wasn't going to dig at it anymore, at least not right now. He had actually told me what I asked him to, and I didn't want to do anything that would deter him from doing it again. But did it mean what I thought it might? By nightmare did he mean...? I immediately shook the thought from my head. Right now I had to do something to keep his attention, to keep him from running out of the room like I knew he would in seconds.

"So...are you hungry?" I asked. He gazed into my face after I asked him, apparently expecting a very different response from his confession. I think he expected me to make a very huge deal out of it, which was probably why he didn't want to tell me. I looked at him calmly and continued. "Because if you are, I can make you something to eat. That is, as soon as I figure out what you have in here." I smiled at him and walked towards the fridge, not removing my eyes from his face, waiting for an answer. He assumed his usual grimace and replied, "I'm not."

I laughed out loud. I couldn't help it, he looked so cute like that. He was so grumpy. Hearing my laughter, he scowled and placed his hands on his hips. "What's so funny?" he demanded. "You!" I exclaimed, trying not to become hysterical. When my laughter subsided, I turned to him and spoke. "You always look so angry about everything. I bet you're even angry that you have to eat to stay alive! Come on, you'll eat with me whether you like it or not. When was the last time you ate, anyway?"

He strode over to the table in the center of the room and sat in one of the chairs. "At school, on Friday," he answered. I turned away from the fridge where I had been searching for something I knew how to prepare, and I walked over to the table where he sat. Pulling a chair out and sitting down in it backwards, I looked into his face, resting my chin on my hands, leaning against the back of the chair. "Seto, you know that isn't good for you..." I knew that he would have nothing good to say in response to my statement, so I continued before he could. "Well, I guess you're lucky that I'm here. Now you'll eat all the time, just like me. You'll eat what I cook for you, won't you?" He had been looking at the table, or at least in the direction of the table, eyes unfocused, until I asked him that. As soon as the words left my mouth, he turned his head to look at me. I got the feeling that, at first, he had been planning on saying something hurtful or inconsiderate. However, when his gaze met mine, he saw something in my eyes that made him pause, if only for a moment. He blinked, and he turned his head away again, looking at the table once more. Closing his eyes, he responded.

"I suppose..." He left it at that, which was all I needed. Perhaps the cause wasn't lost after all. Whatever he had dreamt about last night had changed him, maybe just slightly, but enough to give me hope. Even though he couldn't see my face, I smiled brightly at him. I was so happy. Happy that I could help him, that I could make a positive difference in his life. I never expected him to become another person. I had no intention or desire to change him. I just wanted him to be happy, in whatever way he found possible. Whether it involved me or not. Not to say that I didn't hope to whichever god would listen that he could find happiness in me. I just held his happiness to be more important than anything else in the world, far above my own. I needed to show him how much he really meant to me. That he was important to someone, even if he cared nothing for himself.

"What do you like for breakfast?" I asked quietly.

He sat up straight and looked pensive for a moment, trying to think of what he really wanted. A minute or so later, looked at me inquisitively and cocked his head to one side, confused. "I don't remember." He thought about how his response sounded and the corners of his mouth turned up in what could have been considered a smile, if you had been looking for it. I smiled in return, and stood up from my chair. Walking back to the fridge, I opened it and began to pull out all the things I would need.

"It's OK, we can have my favorite." Someday, everything would be all right.

AN: Uh..is this getting fluffy? Yeah, it's starting to taste like cotton candy. I think this is as fluffy as Seto can get without being OOC. Well, at the very least, no one is crying hysterically. It'll get angsty from here, I'm sure. Thanks to everyone for your fabulous reviews, they light up my life (remember that horrid song?). Review if you like, don't if you don't, you know the drill. If you review, tell me if you like the horrifyingly _slow_ pace I'm writing this story in. I'm very picky when it comes to the lapsing of time, I don't like it when I'm reading something, and then it's like, 10 years later. I'm like, oh god, where did the time go? I'm so old now! I'm just hoping the story flows good.


	8. Chapter Eighth

Clear Vision

A Seto/Joey fanfic by subaruxkamui4ever

AN: I herald the triumphant return of Me. I had an affair with The Urgency of Life, but it was just a fling, and I am here to stay. It's time to get this show on the road, and shake it up some while I'm at it. Something has to happen soon to one of them. Fortunately, the story has shown me the light. I noticed, while reading this story, that to you readers I most likely sound either A) like I am bi-polar or possibly passive aggressive, or B) like I have that multiple personality thingy. I have these authors notes directly above the chapters and they're always so overjoyed with happiness and life, like the shiny shiny sun. And the next thing you know, all you read is, "and so they made each other cry tears of blood and pain every second of every day, and they were in love and so very sad about it for no real reason. So they killed themselves in a river of suffering and cut themselves over and over until they had no blood left to bleed. And still they loved each other and never escaped from their horrific and severely overly-stressed and dramatized pain and cried and screamed until the end of all time." And then the ending author's note is like wasn't that so romantic! I am so happy now I smile for now and always! It's really overwhelming. Please don't think I am crazy. I'd prefer if you all didn't realize that yet. It's Story Time.

(I'm crying tears of laughter...... like "It's Hammer Time!" HA! Ha ha......oh God, Story Time...ow)

I found myself alone and lost with no idea of what I was allowed to do in this new environment, or even if I was supposed to be doing anything at all. Seto had disappeared just after choking down a small percentage of my breakfast, bearing a dissatisfied grimace that accompanied each and every bite. It was just his way of dealing with the somehow horrific idea that I had imposed this awkward position upon him, and now he had to sacrifice his dignity and reduce himself to my menial and third-rate pancakes. I thought they turned out rather well, myself. At least he forced some food down his throat, because in all honesty, I really did not want to make our situation more tense and uncomfortable than it already was. There was a small and simple something that was collecting in the invisible place that stood between us, the barrier that had been built by the two of us together. Every fight, every harsh insult and degrading judgement that we passed across at the other, I suppose in time we both accepted the returned hatred without even thinking, blocking each other from feeling anything else between us from then on. So then, what could I do now?

The unknown feeling that had appeared in that repelling barrier, it felt like....a beginning. A fresh and clean something new. And it was very new, I hadn't been aware of it until that day, until the moment I ran into Seto, literally ran into him and knocked him over. As soon as the contact was over, a familiarly soft spoken and nervous whispering had begun to echo in the very furthest and pushed back places in my mind. Silent at first, but after awhile, the feeling of not being alone crept so slowly into my awareness, and I still left it untouched. But now that I was alone at last, and left to my own devices, the whispering lifted it's level just slightly, still sounding afraid but becoming desperate, and I picked up on it and realized that I recognized this whisper, this voice from....someplace....but I couldn't remember a single thing more.

Immediately tensing with interest, I sat up stiffly from my slumped and lazy position on the couch. I had finally been able to locate the room with the largest and most exciting television, which I felt was the first real success of my morning, and celebrated the moment with a short lived and triumphant dance of victory. Now more serious than ever, I came up off the cushions I had been drifting my frame across, and directed all of my attention to the newly discovered and vaguely familiar sensations I had noticed within. Clicking the power off of the television, I shut my eyes and gave in to the silence that surrounded me, reaching out to the feeling lightly, softly, never trying to grab it or force it out. It would leave, I just knew it, and I couldn't take that risk. I hadn't been aware that it was an actual voice that I felt, but after three or four minutes of complete silence and gracefully slow thought, it was very obvious that the familiarity was striking within me two separate chords, and I didn't move in my mind so as not to startle myself out of the sleep-like state, but considered the two carefully. The first realization had been that the way the whispered voice spoke felt like a style that I knew extremely well. I couldn't understand what the words were saying, sounds and vibrations I didn't know at all came too slowly, and too low to hear correctly. Something about the sentence structure and the way the communication was directed, it was just like someone I used to know, so long ago, they had spoken just like this. I just couldn't place exactly who it was.

'So close....on the tip of my tongue..'I thought, becoming curiously intrigued. But then, at that moment, when the quietly spoken words came forth just a little stronger, and I could almost make out what the words meant, I heard the sound of the voice, and grew still with a contained and stifled shock. I knew that voice. I would recognize it anywhere. Ridiculous that I hadn't seen it at once, how could I forget? It was....It was obviously.....Of course I remembered! Of course... I can't have forgotten......

I had forgotten. Completely and entirely, and I wouldn't accept it at first. I denied the blatant truth, instead listening with a frustration that grew with every word uttered by that person who was.....Ooh! I wanted to scream, it was impossible! I just knew that it was so important that I knew this, that I remembered, but I couldn't, and I felt the surrender at last as my futile efforts caved in, and I fell back into silence of mind, opting to listen and at least try to make out a word or two. I had been so loud in my own thoughts it had been deafening, and drowned out the hesitant whispering for a few minutes, but in my retreat it slowly came forward once again. It was singing, in a sense. The words that meant absolutely nothing were so nearly silent that they were motionless in the air, and they sought me as I sought them, carried across the empty expanse of my mind like wisps of smoke caught in the breeze of my inquiry. I met with the voiced thoughts within moments, and the curling pieces of wind-wrought clouds were each an individual word or thought form, and they drew closer until they touched me directly, surrounding me with a hazy fog of images and gestures, a far off feeling that suddenly felt very real. Each separate word was silent inside it's new visible form, and sadly drifted circles around me, trying to communicate somehow, needing to say something that was so important, right in that moment. Feeling the lonely sadness from the words at my face, feeling their frozen and wispy touch on my lips that nearly wasn't there, I could somehow taste them, and it tasted like how only pure thought could taste, the sweetest and most sinful sugar, the soft and simple joy of existence, and I opened myself to it fully, mentally and physically inviting them inside. The hazy smoke shifted into a union and became a single collected cloud, and waited just before my face. Mentally imagining it to make it real, I opened my mouth and breathed it in, all of it. Every word the voice had spoken, every feeling it sent out, all that I couldn't remember or grasp had all been contained in that sad and drifting fog that I took inside me, all of it in at once.

The intake had allowed what was once a simple thought in the back of my mind the opportunity to use me as a means to communicate. Having no energy or power of it's own, by inviting it into my deepest room, I had taken it to a place where there was no sound, or words, just pure thought in images and intent, surrounded by empty nothing in the dark. Here, all reverted into it's real form, taking on the picture of what it was, and not able to lie or mislead. As soon as I took the smoke into me with the deepest breath, it felt as though it was in my lungs and slowly spreading outward at once. It scorched the back of my throat immediately, and filled my lungs with the intensity and heat of a raging fire, burning so close that I could breath in the very flames themselves. The pain was instantly unbearable, and I was so shocked that I couldn't think or speak, I couldn't open my eyes in the physical world, and remained trapped as I had been, inside my mind that had been so quiet a mere second ago. The fire that had sparked on contact and spread instantly was nearly finished already, consuming me nearly completely in moments, but even after I felt that it had finally burned away every inch, I found that I was still aware and alive within myself. It was an expression of the voice's thought.

This was by far the strangest thing I had ever experienced, and I was terrified into silence, not daring a thought or feeling in fear of the flame, that it would come back for what was left of me, eating me into nothing. The sensation that it gave me, the way it felt to burn and burn in anguish, relentlessly taking until there wasn't anything left of me to feed off of, killing both the blaze and myself.....why did I know how that would feel? Why would I be afraid of something that had never happened before? Maybe it had, I thought suddenly, fear falling over me in a misty sense of avoidance and dread. I was hearing what the voice had wanted to say to me, and I found that I was no longer curious to hear another word. I really, really didn't want to know. Not that it mattered at that point, I was within the voice right then, and it had more to say. I heard voices, human voices this time, and not whispering ones at all. They were strained and calling out desperately to each other, only two, and even I could barely hear them over the constant sound of a thousand hopeless things all burning at once. A deafening noise that rang out with a destructive force, sounding like the very act of 'casting love aside' would sound in the moment it truly happened, if you could hear that sort of thing being done. I followed the trail of the calling people until I brought my line of vision into the place they were, a new and separate version of reality, but somehow as real as the empty darkness where I was, although they had to connect somewhere. I could literally feel the heat inside me, and the fire was everything and everywhere around them, within feet of them, and they didn't even move an inch. They must have been near dead, no one would survive heat like that, and so close to them! I panicked and yelled out, knowing it was a lost cause, but not being able to just watch the two of them die right before me. I cried suddenly at the sight, there was not a single shred of hope for either one of them, so why weren't they doing anything? My eyes simply refused to stop the flood of emotions that formed in watery pools, and my tears saw the pain from the vision as it flew towards me and pierced my heart in full. I felt everything they felt, right alongside them, every second accounted for in my memory. I couldn't stop to think, and I ran up to where they were, and stood next to the scene, as close as the flames would allow. I couldn't get close enough to change anything or distract one of them. I just watched, whispering every line with them as though I were watching my favorite movie, played so many times that each word of the script was a part of me. And finally, when they lost control at the very end, and the flames were upon them, they lost consciousness for the last time and were gone.

I blinked and was still instantly. Everything was black and nothing. They were gone and so was the fire, the scene, and my tears. It was instantaneously cold and lonely. But even though I already knew of this event, the message of this scene was clear. While I was speaking the words I knew by heart, I could hear myself, both of my selves, the one that died before me, and the one I was now. Our voices were almost an exact match for one another, and the slight variation that was his version echoed and spun aimlessly inside my mind until I made the connection. That voice, the whispering from before was the same one, the one inside my head somehow....was me. The other me, the me that had died with the other Seto. He was still alive somehow, inside me, and was trying to contact me. But why had he remained intact after his death? Weren't all memories and feelings lost in the process of rebirth? How could two people live inside a body with only one soul? I had never felt another person before that second in any way, and the thought was unnerving, in truth. He wasn't me. And I certainly wasn't him. Our different experiences had shaped us accordingly, and though we were in a sense the same person within, we couldn't possibly share a single life together. This newfound reality was becoming less and less appealing the more I thought about it, and I started to get upset, and took off into the darkness of nothing, running away from where I had seen us...them. I wasn't afraid of him, there was no sense of threat or malice from the now almost distinguishable idea of him, a strange sort of mental itching in the back of my head that I now knew felt like him. I was just alone in myself and the ordeal still wasn't over. I knew that, because I still was unable to open my eyes, and slowing to a stop, I succumbed to the ending ahead. I wanted to have it over with so much, I decided to just hear what he wanted to say and then run, run as quickly as possible, away from him and away from this sad and lonely place within.

I stood, motionless and silent, looking at the floor that was nothing and made out of nothing, and yet held me firmly in place. I looked a bit closer with my eyes cast sideways, it almost looked as though I could see myself down there. Wait a minute...I could! Drawn in without questioning, I leaned over as if I were looking into a lake or puddle, the water was motionless and deeper than space and time, reflecting as any mirror would perfectly, with one small difference from the original. My reflection was distorted in the color, affected dramatically by the surface of the bottomless nothing that the images sat upon. Everything that looked back at me was an exact match in invisible detail, characteristic imperfection, and each movement I involuntarily made, proving it's authenticity further when I noticed that I could even see myself breath. But upon closer examination I realized what was not right, and my eyes widened slightly, now what was that kind of thing supposed to mean? I was completely reflected in black and white. An impossible variety of infinite levels of grey shaded and contrasted in shadows and tones, but I was stripped of any and all color, and it shook me in a strange way, a creeping fear that stole inside me without notice, the sort that would return to haunt me the next time I found myself alone in the dark. Blinking a few times in a mental stutter, my image matched me in perfect synchronization, blinking like an idiot, and it only made me more nervous at the sight. What was all this cryptic mess leading up to? Communicating with mental symbolism was very necessary for this situation, but it was still so odd to me. Strange to see what my mind was like inside.

I sank to my knees in a spark of curiosity, I thought that maybe I could find a change or mistake in the reflection, and then maybe the game would end. Leaning over until my hands were flat before me on the ground....or whatever the darkness that had solidified beneath me was called, I cautiously but steadily closed in on the new version of myself. Nothing whatsoever was amiss even at this distance, not more than two feet lay between my image and I. It was a me that had been copied endlessly, doubling itself over and over until the ink nearly ran out of the copier, and the image had lost its color over so much time. I wondered on that lingering impression...how many lifetimes had the other me had to keep himself from being lost since his own life ended? If the Pharaoh had been locked away 5,000 years ago, and this was the same lifetime as that one, then....let's see.....70 years to a lifetime, just for the sake of an average...... that was at least 70 lifetimes! What an awful existence it must have been, must still be.

I was overcome with a pain inside me that was my compassion and his sadness together, and I felt that he saw my sympathy for his pitiful state. The memories of the life he refused to let go of was insistent and had remained, watching himself as he was reborn again and again, trying with every moment of every life to somehow shake me and show himself at long last. 5,000 years of efforts resulting in consistent failure, and yet, here he was, hopeful and patient in his eternal struggle to hold to his promise to the one he loved more than life itself. So adamant in his task that he never gave in to the release and rest that death was the only way to achieve, how weary and drained he had to be after this seemingly endless time of rejection he was able to survive. I lost my nagging suspicions and doubt about him and I smiled into my reflection, not at myself but into my reflection, directed at him. He smiled back, and it was the reflection of my own smile at first, but when his smile faded before mine, I knew I had been correct. It was him in the form of my reflection, reborn repeatedly until he had lost his vitality and strength, a mere reproduction of the person that had been his living self. He had very nearly run out of time, but evidently Fate had decided that he should not suffer in vain. I could do something. What ever closure he needed, I would help him in any way I could. I was only helping myself.

As him smile faded, he grew serious, and I became his reflection for a second, following his lead and letting my smile fade away. It was most likely strange to behold if someone could ever see this far into myself, I was on my knees and peering into the nothingness below with my face so close to the reflective surface under me, and the exact same me peering up in the same fashion, upside down and in shades of grey. Finally we had found a place in my mind that we could talk, face to face, and he leaned as close as he could, his eyes full of hope and knowledge of my life as though he was a old silent film that told my story, and I leaned into his colorless image until he and I were close enough to kiss, but neither of us moved. Until he spoke. Barely audible even from here, I saw why he had leaned in so far. I could make out the meanings of the words, although I couldn't tell what language it was that he spoke in. It made sense in a way, and my eyes widened when the whispered message became clear.

"The one that you love....."

"Seto? What about him?" I was nervous at the promise of information, silently hoping for good news.

"He knows what you know......what I showed to you while you slept......"

"He knows what? Do you mean the dream? Seto......?" I didn't know if that was what he meant, but I certainly hoped not. If Seto had seen as well, then he may just throw me out after all. This would be something that would make him so angry, and he would know it was my fault. We would be finished and done before we truly began, and I couldn't lose him now, I had just gained so much....

My reflection gazed at me, and nodded so slightly that I barely saw the movement happen. He was sad.

"He knows everything that you know....and something more. He's watching it as we speak."

I had to get out. I had to be there when he woke up. The longer he had to himself to get angry about it, the less of a chance I would have to reason with him. He stood up, in the image under my feet, and I followed soon afterwards, our feet met in the middle and we became a single image if we had been seen from farther away. I smiled and mentally thanked him, and he felt my urgency at returning to the place where Seto was, asleep and seeing whatever it was that I had yet to see. He smiled back and then paused, considering for a moment the possibility of something, and then leaned over to rest on his knees, one final thing to say before I left. I copied his action, and strained to take in his words like moments before, just as silently uttered in a breath as before, as though it was so hard for him now.

"His dream is of two moments. The first dream is what you have seen before, the way Sethe and I died in that fire together. The second dream has not been shown to you, but you must know it as well, in order to help your other one. The second dream is of the very first time that Sethe and I became as one.....and I gave myself to him."

I was in motion before the last word had finished falling from his lips. His face was pensive, not knowing how Seto would react to seeing this, and with him knowing it was my doing. It was just too much for anyone to take all at once, and unspeakably impossible when applied to Seto. The reflection was gone because I took off, as fast as I could, I moved as though the fury of Seto himself were on my trail, closing in to destroy my progress with him so delicately wrought by my sore and bleeding hands. It was so hard, but I had actually begun to close the endless valley in the space between he and I. But now... In that same instant, my eyes flew open in the real world, and I was awake and free. I flung myself off the couch and just ran, ran so fast that before I could open a thought in my mind of what to say, I saw the staircase that I recognized, it was the one that led to his room. I dashed up, two and three steps at a time, to my amazement never tripping once, and reached the hall with little lost time and minus any injury. I just hoped I was in time.

AN: Ahhhhh....breathe it in.....you smell that? That there's the scent of a yummy dream in Seto's poor unsuspecting mind. A yummy dream that tastes like the yummy lemony goodness inside... Well, I don't think I'll write it but you all know it's there. You can see it in his face when he wakes up. You'll see. It will be so funny. Picture Seto, having strangely been both advanced upon and followed for almost two full days by that hack Joey Wheeler. And then escaping into blissful slumber where no dogs are allowed. Only to find.....yes, sleeping with Joey is all that's playing, and it's oh so realistic, because it's oh so very real! HA! Can you feel the fury from where you are? Because I can feel this angry burning....


	9. Chapter Ninth

Clear Vision

A Seto/Joey fanfic by subaruxkamui4ever

AN: Are you exited? I sure am. I am going to say this and no more, so as not to spoil anything about the storyline, but....(now I whisper in your ear, you like?)...Seto is a big meanie-head and will be one for this and possible further chapters. Please don't let him get to you, he's had a bad time and he needs to vent, so it's not personal. He still loves you, and he always will....OK? Don't cry you guys, come on. So, this chapter sort of took an idea I thought was kind of hot, and snatched it out of my hands and ran away like mad, which leads us into this story, because all this was not foreseen, least of all by me The _Author_! So let's get going before poor Joey has a coronary, you do realize that he's been running like a madman ever since I posted the last chapter, and he never stopped since? Now I will finally release him. Stop Joey....stop! You see that door over there? Seto's in there! (That'll get him!)

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There it was, that was the right door! As I leapt off the last step and rounded the corner I caught the door that led to Seto in my gaze and couldn't tear my eyes away from it. I was coming up on it fast and if the door was opened at the wrong moment, I could be relieved of my consciousness quite swiftly with the oppressing force of a door to the face, angrily flung open by a confused and upset Seto. Warily circling around the perceived line of fire and reaching for the handle, my hand grasped it in the same moment I skidded to a sharp halt, and using the leverage of the doorhandle I stopped my motion in place and turned the tables, pulling where it had pushed, and used the momentum to open the door as fast as possible.

Pulling it outwards and nearly leaping inside, suddenly all the clumsy racket of my efforts to rush inside were dropped from the air they hung still within, silence cast upon everything as it entered the dormant area. I blinked rapidly, straining my eyes to adjust to the dramatically dark setting that the room held, a sullen and indignant refusal to acknowledge the sunshine and midday life that loomed over the moody shadows inside, merrily steaming beams of piercingly sunny light in a spiteful closeness, just inches from the only window. The drapes allowed no room for error, drawn out to the very edge of the rail that held them up, safeguarding the whole area inside from the joy and tenderness that threatened to spill into Seto's lonely mind from without, threatening him with a fate he feared more than failure.

The room that he stayed in seemed to react to him, subject to a long and slow saturation of Seto's many moods and cast off emotions for as many years as it had been his room, and was able to reflect the appropriate atmosphere that Seto would be able to rest in, a window to his heart. And as I strained to see him through the darkness that surrounded him almost impenetrably, hidden alongside him I could feel the thoughts and emotions that he bore inside this black place, his graveyard of unnecessary burdens. A sense of comfort, and an unfulfilled emptiness that would never be completely filled with anything but a Someone Else, were among the scraps and broken shards of fears he tread upon for years and years in vain, and then my eye caught the only solid and whole emotion left in the desolate place. The last and worst of them all, and in the case of he and I, the one Fear that may prove to be the very thing that would bring final and complete ruin to the lives of all four of us. Something he admitted even to himself that he feared above all else, perhaps even more terrifying than death in his mind, rising above all other nightmares in a victory over his every action, controlling his mind and thoughts as if not a part of him any longer. He knew, and I knew, it was the unavoidable and guaranteed result that he believed in fierce intensity would result from any attempt to share a part of himself with another person. The inevitable and obviously deserved utter rejection awaited, an impending and automatic repulsion for his pathetic and unwanted affections that he felt he had coming, forever proving without a doubt that he would never truly be 'good enough' for anyone at all. Feeling a settling sense of dampened restraint in the air, I tried to see where he was, and using what little light that dared cross through the murky doorway recklessly, I peered as far as I could, until I saw him.

I felt, not seeing much, that he looked right back at me as though his vision wasn't clouded by the strangely timed night at all, but I was able to feel how his eyes had cast off the sleep and held nothing but a surging emotion that was in that exact moment being 'dealt with' accordingly. He had been quick to react, and before his next blink the uprising was forgotten and the remains frozen beyond recognition. I wasn't sure if I had woken him personally from the dream with my thundering arrival, or if he had fled from it with his own will to remain unloved at all costs. Or maybe the dream had just finished on it's own, thrusting Seto back into the reality of the retold happenings, waking and finding me standing before him upon his return. There were many believable maybes, and his face revealed nothing in the dark, but his slowly spreading realization of who I was rang out and stuck my thoughts with a force I couldn't help but feel. This modified version of his mental image of Joey had been upgraded past the point of recognition, and in addition to the further expansion of every threat that I could theoretically pose to him, there were unavoidable and previously non-existent levels of understanding he had from now on, and could not delete from his mind. Even as he looked at me right then he could see under and through into me, and he felt his blood in his veins pulse at a new temperature as the new information fell into his mind, he held knowledge of me and how I felt, emotionally and, much more noticeable in contrast, physically. What I felt like to touch and the way I would respond, in every place on me that he had memorized in so many ways, somehow he knew that the spot his eyes had unwittingly rested upon was so familiar, so low on my neck that it was nearly my collarbone and not my neck at all. He closed his eyes and shuddered with the invasion on his self-control, remembering the exact taste and feel on his tongue of it suddenly, and panicking with a startling realization just afterwards. He wasn't able to repress this, the way he did with every other deceptive and sinful thought that threatened to dethrone the Seto that would never be hurt by another. He remained silent, and despite the obvious futility he increased his efforts, began to feel extremely angry. There was no one else but me in all directions, and so his anger found a target and released itself at the object that spawned the insubordination of his mind and body, a final attempt to destroy all that would have him feel for someone. Whatever he thought of me now I had no way to tell as he stared at me in silent disbelief, it seemed he hadn't really believed in me until just now, and now that he could never deny me again he resigned himself to silent acceptance.

He was sitting up as if he had just done so moments earlier, shocked awake by either the dream of me or the actual me and time lapse between the seconds that separated us pushed me further and further into the shadowy sadness of his room. His residual feelings were infectious and I felt them almost as clearly as my own, and then slightly confused one or two, resulting in a suggestion deep down in my thoughts that asked me why I was so sure of myself. What was it that I had come here to do? I wanted to help Seto... How could I make any sort of difference here, knowing how vehemently he would refuse the very notion of assistance from another. He was not in need of help, and if he ever was, no one would know, he made sure of that. My presence in this awkward moment would almost assuredly cause him to fly into an even less reasonable state, and I felt as though I were of no use to Seto, and could not offer him a thing. What could he need that he didn't already have, and even if there was such a thing that was so very unattainable, what were the slim and pitiful chances that I could do a thing about it? Not likely, and with that thought, my head fell from the unseen gaze, and I cast my eyes downwards, unable to will them up so high as to equal his own. I waited for him to say it, whatever it would be. I knew it would come out eventually, the refusal of assistance and the temporary banishment of my company, preferring the silence of loneliness to my obnoxious and distracting presence.

"Well, what is it?" Seto cast the question at my feet casually but rushed it as well, he seemed interested in firstly ridding himself of my watching face for the inconvenient moment. I stared at the place his voice came from and my mouth hung open, I blanked at his simple question, what was it, why was I here? "Uh.....I.......I thought......" The intense and concentrated stare he released in my direction passed right through my body in a painful way, intending to hurt me and make me hate him back, or at least drive me away, along with the temptation I posed. But there was no way I was going to tell him what I had actually come for so as not to reveal that I knew his regretful dream, so I was empty-handed and laid bare, stuttering mindlessly at the reason that just couldn't leave my lips and grasping for another that wasn't there. His patience wore thin and then gave seconds after, and he sighed quickly and spitefully, in distaste for my blatant stupidity and inability to lie, even to save my own ass.

"Never mind, then. I don't suppose you know why you do much of anything, and somehow I'm not surprised. So if you have no reason to be in here at the moment, then I suggest you come up with one in a hurry. Either way, one of us is leaving, and one of us is staying. I'm not in the mood for another one of your pathetic fairy-tale romances, so just save the sob story for someone who cares...."

I said nothing, knowing that he wasn't planning on revealing the learned information, and my knowing it anyway didn't really save me any trouble at the hands of his denial. Sensing my despair and seeing it written so plainly sad on my face gave him a momentary stillness, as if the pain that sprung forth from his words was now noticeable and affected him, and he stopped to look for a second, vaguely wondering why it mattered to him. He knew why and he knew that as well, but here at last was the moment that forced his face into the roughness of the effects he secretly regretted. Seto knew how much his unfiltered words hurt me, and he felt so sorry, now more than ever before. Able to sense to closeness between us clearly, he felt the pain as I did and it silenced him, lost in a battlefield that held the answer to the next feeling that he would have momentarily. He seemed to me, as I heard the unexpected end of his wrath in amazement, to have been insulted by himself and was now back to where he began, lost alone in the darkness. Curious as to finally see it all for myself and feeling left out as I stood near the exit still in preparation for anything, I abandoned my caution and took two steps closer, into the place I knew he was, and his sitting form was outlined in the darkness, somehow a shadow that stood out as a blacker sort of night than the Seto-born night itself. He was watching me and I felt him do it now as well as I saw, and I now felt a newer and slightly hesitant feeling from him, a slight panic and worry of what I might do to him. It seemed that any sense of his fondness or liking to a person was directly translated as an advantage they held over him, and was warily observing me in the absence of his usual escape route, expecting me to close in and take whatever I wanted from him. I briefly wondered what he might suspect me of wanting from him since I had never asked him for a single thing, except his simple presence.

I wanted to ask him if he knew about his other self inside him. Sethe had to be there, Zahra would instantly know if anything had happened to him and would follow him blindly, out of existence if need be. It seemed as if Sethe really just another version of Seto. If that were the case, it would explain how even after an impossible amount of time, he was still evasive and untrusting of the only person who would bother to chase him for so many lives and then so many after. I thought about how hard it had been for me to acknowledge, but after a time I had been able to accept all of these ideas and images of a past life and a endlessly sought after love, and I now lived without a doubt. My other self had promised himself for an infinite amount of time, and he had spent every moment fulfilling it, regardless of the rejection it held almost indefinitely. His patience and belief in the same soul I had placed my own belief in, our similar feelings and intentions were not like any of the other lives that had resolved nothing. For the first time, my other self felt a stronger bond to his new carnation and truly saw me as himself, and I felt the same for him, and we knew without speaking of it that this lifetime would be different. This lifetime would be his last, and the rest he sought to share with Sethe would either be realized here, or would never come to pass. I felt they deserved to rest together far more than anyone else deserved a single thing, and I wanted to give him all the support and help he needed, knowing that if they were finally put at ease, Seto and I would without a doubt be affected in turn. For the passionate and raging desire that had been a reflection of Zahra's feelings for Sethe had been the only indication that showed me something was happening that involved the two of us, Seto and I. Now that I was finally able to draw some sort of distinction between the feelings I had then, and my real feelings as Joey, and I saw the truth that was not the same burning and raging love that had been gripping me until I spoke to Zahra for the first time, met myself and the way I had been. True, they were my old feelings for the old Seto and I was still capable of feeling the same way again, but...it wasn't the right way just yet. I didn't feel an insatiable and empty place inside me where I felt he was gone from. There would be plenty of time for that later, after the first two were gone from our lives, and we were able to encompass within us such a strong force as that had been. I knew from the way I felt in my dreams that I was not ready, and neither was he. It seemed to me, as I looked into his face cautiously and with reasoning, that he looked back at me in pure anger, at nothing I had said or done. In shame it seemed, and also in fury at that shame, the apparently scarring and horrifying turn of events that somehow forced him to see that he cared about me, and in the same way I did about him. Quietly, and patiently in wait of a stronger and more life changing feeling that was sure to develop, or at least had been sure. He had been unaware, it looked to me at that moment, or perhaps he was still unaware of the person inside himself that was the unknowingly and bitterly pursued beloved of my past self, retreating into endless lifetimes of subconscious self pity and resentment for the injustice done to them so many centuries ago. If only he would just let it go already, we could finally be at peace! Gazing deeply into his eyes as I approached the nearly visible countenance of Seto in a silently ascending wave of destruction, making sure I wasn't appearing to walk _at _him, only up to be closer to see that awful burning, it hurt me in my mind and I stopped then, maybe two or three feet from his seated place before me, where we had slept so close the night before.

Seto was not yet aware that there existed within him a separate piece of Sethe that remained from before, and in all honesty had only slightly admitted to his actual existence simply because was inevitable, especially after he found himself able to read an alarmingly above average number of lost and forgotten languages, even for someone as intelligent and superior as he was. It was either lay the blame on this dead and rotting High Priest, or take it all upon himself in the present, and Seto was more than willing to acknowledge the presence of a scapegoat. The sorcerer would no doubt serve a greater purpose to his purposes now than he ever did when just a random person in a bedtime story, a tool that some of the more devout preachers of the tale tried to use to show Seto that he was endangering both his own life and the rest of the world as well, and he could no doubt rescue us all by simply making a lot of friends, and how strange that he didn't see the reasoning behind it all. He had heard the generic and unimaginative tale on many occasions, each rendition just as uninvited as the last. Thinking back in anger at the origin of his coming to learn of this ancient fool in the first place, Seto finally broke his confused silence, siding with the angry part of him that was determined to defeat the dream in some way and he came back with full force and released the finish of his judgement upon me with a voice that was furious, and yet trembled slightly at the knowledge that couldn't be fought away. The realization that he knew, I knew, somehow we both knew that he did not want to hurt my feelings and might never find it an option again.

"You don't see me at all, do you, Joey? I'm not this Sethe that you think will just waltz his way right out from underneath me as soon as you 'make me see', and I would honestly rather die than let you force me to become another person just for the sake of your peace of mind." His voice was filled with the contempt that he directed at me point blank, firing at my heart, which hit it's target regardless of whether I knew he didn't mean to or not. I took it willingly, but it was so much anger and something very close to absolute terror that it tore and slashed at my heart, seemingly trying to kill the feelings I had for him as well. A desperate and sad day in which he tried to take from the both of us what I wasn't willing to give up. Underneath my momentary suffering, the small seeds of a hurtful resentment began to take invisible root. Before all of this came to an end, I was sure that they would somehow grow to bear the fruit of the pitfall that Seto wished to plant beneath his own feet. His newfound ability to feel the pain that he caused me hit home in that second, and his body trembled at maddening sensation of both cause and effect in the same moment, and yet he didn't stop. He was not himself as he had been moments ago. Perhaps it was the shock of both types of pain, the pain of sending and of receiving at once, but he spoke like I had done something to him and brought all of this upon myself, pointing and cringing at my face which must have been paralyzed in shock by then.

"How nice it must be for you, to be able to imagine that I'm someone else inside, and this unsatisfactory me is just blocking your path to the person you really love. Seto's just a vehicle to you, isn't that right? All you care about is Sethe, and I'm obviously the only thing standing in the way of your beautiful and heart-warming reunion, so if it's all the same to you, I'll just step aside. Sethe can have you, you've been absolutely nothing but trouble since the day you first stepped in my path. What could I possibly gain from someone like you, someone as invisible as your class should always be to mine. You had nothing before I rescued you from that horrible existence, you would be there still if it wasn't for me, chained and captive like all your suffering bloodline before you." He sneered as he prepared to say a terrible thing aloud at my downcast face. "Even still, your filthy secret betrays you and shows your true nature to those above you, as I am. Always looking away in submission as you were born to do, and will no doubt do until the day you die, and in death as well your hands will be dirty with the truth. I know the price of your existence, as I'm sure you remember as well, it was the same price that I paid for you. And after all that happened between us I was always above you, I owned your life and I still do. You can't cleanse yourself of the fact that ran through your veins, and the mark on your soul that I can still see as plain as day, the stain left from the blood of a slave that never comes clean, no matter how cheap they came, and I never saw another go for less than what I paid for you........Joey...?"

His hand slapped itself against his mouth, moments too late, and neither he nor I had seen it coming until it was upon us both, and his eyes were widened beyond comprehension, appearing larger still above the hand that covered all his other features in absolute horror. He hadn't known that there was another actual existence within him, and the frustration of the other one within rose over Seto's head and he drowned for those few moments. What an awful thing to say to someone, I thought, and I could immediately feel the pain inside at the harsh words to my other, who was crying deep inside me. Seto was frozen in place in a panic that paralyzed, and it was all far too much for the both of us. I sat down beside him and pulled his hand away from his face, and in the very moment of contact I immediately felt tears on my face that were Zahra's and mine both, and I felt twice the pain at his hands than I should never have felt at all. His temper and his inability to allow himself to let me inside was still driving me to tears and pain, and I feared that he would never learn the way to let go and would take me down with him all over again. There had to be something inside of him that didn't want this anymore, and I was absently hopeful that I would find it soon, before Seto and Sethe killed all four of us at once.

AN: Well, happiness is overrated anyway. This is a bad place to end a chapter, but I already started the next one, and I think it will be so very long......my fingers ache at the prospect. I already got off from work, and the only breaks I plan to take from writing are the Yu-Gi-Oh episodes on today. So, yeah, don't think I'll take that long to update now that this is my only story. I really don't want to begin another one before I finish this first, but I somehow can't bring myself to believe that I really won't. All those ideas from the guessing game in Urgency of Life, ooohh......yeeeeees. Smile in fear.


	10. Chapter Tenth

Clear Vision

A Seto/Joey fanfic by subaruxkamui4ever

AN: I am a tired person. Are you tired as well?

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He was still in the same place as he had been since I entered the room minutes earlier, although it had passed years between the two of us. I still held the hand that I had pulled away from his face, freeing his speech and begging him in a way without words to somehow make this all right. I had sat down beside him on the bed, and his hand I decided should stay with me, and I pulled it close to my chest in a clinging sort of way, wrapping myself around his arm. He didn't move or speak, but he watched me with open and focused eyes and was aware of everything. I had been scared that perhaps his past personality would become stressed with repression and fight it's way to the top, and it had for a moment, but it had been quickly pushed right back under, saving the moment, but endangering the life that we had to either spend together or waste in pursuit, another lifetime to toss into the carelessly discarded pile of lost years. I knew much more than I realized, and when I listened to myself inside and spoke without thinking, knowledge of our situation slowly became clearer and more evident in the way that I could trust in the silent voice that I now knew to be Me, and my memories that still drove themselves endlessly forward into time. I looked up at Seto, he still watched me as if I were a creature he had never seen before. I suppose in a way that was true, since the old way he thought of me must be very long gone by this point. I didn't know everything that he knew, but as I had been advised by Zahra it certainly rang out true in his newfound interest in my actions and awaited words. I realized that he was waiting for me to speak, and I sat up suddenly, releasing his hand reluctantly and meeting him in gaze and posture. He lost his curious look and took a much more prepared and accepting face. I think that he felt my underlying rage, even though I couldn't yet, and also felt that even if he never did again, now he should listen to my anger and take responsibility for his outburst.

"Are you angry with me? You said....that hurt so much.....what you said. Is that how you see me? Seto?" I was still in a state of shock, real and unshakeable, it gripped my thoughts and motions until I began to speak. Everything that I heard leave my mouth was unplanned, and only came to as I heard the actual words. Seto and I both listened, neither one of us able to stop the splitting and cracking edges of the place where I held my feelings back in the heat of the moment. Instead of the final crash of a release and an overflowing of pure and unbridled rage, it first began to seep out slowly at the seams, trickling in tiny rivulets of distaste and questioning offense, and as the running emotions spilled around the breaking points they had to give way piece by piece and the bubbling creek grew steadily from stream, to river, and then letting it all go into a torrential wave of the final and pure underlying feelings that had been there for centuries. Anger with little things about him that remained throughout each and every carnation, his fears that drove him away from me eternally, his temper that flared without warning and without any effort on his part to keep in check, resulting in heated spats such as this and somehow, I was the only one that ever walked away in tears.

Well, not this time. I never hated him or judged him for any of his faults but in the face of the real and final end of Us, I held nothing else back, because Zahra had nothing else left inside, all that he was made of was his thoughts and feelings for Sethe that wouldn't die. So in turn did I, and Sethe still had obvious issues himself, which kept his presence intact as well as Zahras. As I thought more about it, I saw that the only real set back in this strung out and prolonged ordeal, was Seto. The part of Sethe that was now Seto, the same as the part of Zahra that was called Joey today, the basic thoughtform that would never change no matter how many times it reincarnated, and would replicate nearly the same person infinitely. The only deciding factor that varied was the endless variety of opportunities to be given and fates to befall, each new life promised a new chance to figure it all out, and to alter ourselves as we saw fit. Learning through mistakes and repeating the process until the end result was achieved, whatever the end result might be I could not say and cannot still, because I haven't learned much at all over the past five thousand years. But even less learned than I was, Seto silently listening beside me with an uncomfortable and unheard of amount of attention to my ranting, which had fallen short as I considered the truth of my unearthed and deep-seated source of troubling thoughts that I did not want to see. But why not? He had no problem with telling me exactly how he felt, even about needlessly petty and spiteful situations that were beyond anyone's control. His disgust and loathing for me because I was an unfortunate victim of circumstance. As if I were the one responsible for choosing the fate of the people who came before me, telling them what to be so I would have an honorable heritage for his sake when I came to be among them. Here was when I began the eventual shattering of the bonds that kept my long repressed and overlooked feelings for his treatment of me, and of himself.

"Are you hearing me, Seto? I want your undivided attention, and that includes Sethe as well, because everything that I feel is also felt by Zahra. I trust you can handle that...." He was frozen in....something akin to fear, but deeper than fear because it wasn't an emotion, fear was a reaction. This was a feeling of regret and sorrow at how my feelings poured out in a reaction to his thoughtless and lightly cast words that meant nothing and served as something for him to hide under. I had his attention here and in my eyes now, though, and it had better remain. He had been in hiding for far too long, and I was suddenly nauseous with the sickness I felt at this inane and pointless game he wanted to play. Tired to death and beyond it completely, so very many times now. He would not do this to me, to us, any longer.

"So, you must really want to be rid of me. I say this because of the evident distaste you have for me and my kind, we are indeed so very far below you and your eternally distracting and life draining lust for power and control, we are so lost in awe that we must not be able to see how pure in intent you really are. Such a noble and respectable existence you lead with your higher class on your higher plane, I wonder how I managed to catch your eye at all. How curious that I alone was able to dirty your hands with my sinful ways. And then, how very unlike you and your Perfection to not want to resist such an obviously laughable temptation, especially such a cheap thrill as I was, and still must be in your eyes of the gods. Because I was somehow able to achieve all of these offensive and regretful trespasses against your unwitting soul without ever being aware of your existence, and remaining unaware until I had been paid for in full. I would love to hear how you would explain that away, but I know the sound of your voice will do nothing but make me laugh. So don't say anything at all." These things that I heard myself express were absorbed by both Seto and I, and we both knew that it was all true, somewhere inside the memory was calling it out as loudly as my steadily rising voice. And although the facts were new, the accompanying emotions were hauntingly familiar, indeed they really wouldn't go away at all. The pressure of carrying anything without rest for as long as we had was very tense already for one who remained alone, and our emotional turmoil was deafening as they collided against each other, and as the dust settled we could see more and more of how his will had crumbled and been destroyed beneath my own. And I wasn't nearly finished with him. Either one of him.

"Would you really be so kind as to step aside as you so unselfishly offered to? I haven't a doubt in my heart that you would prefer to kill me than to watch me leave so casually, as effortlessly as the way you say those things to my face, knowing full well how much they will eat away at my heart and simply not caring at all. You do not love me at all, and I have feared this for some time now. Do you think that I am as foolish as you say I am? You must be just as foolish as me if you believe that, because no one who really loved me would hurt me like you do, like you have since that awful lifetime in which we met. You know, you've been absolutely nothing but trouble since the day you first stepped in my path" I laughed in a quiet and frighteningly tender way at the memory of his own voice saying that, and I felt the last of my tears dry up and leave at once, taking along with them my sadness at hurting him with my own words. He really had asked for much worse and more truthful things, but I still loved him, and I felt disgusted by it at the same time. How weak I was, and he would agree, although he didn't show a single emotion to my face. I had never once broken the angry stare that I held him in, he couldn't so much as blink to my countenance. I never should have let him get this far. I didn't need this pain, and I certainly didn't want to continue this pursuit of a person who did not want me to pursue him, and for the moment I said that I wouldn't, although I knew deep within my soul that I would always chase him. Always. But I still felt the same and I was still in terrible pain. His eyes were under my own and his face had not moved even an inch, he looked strangely happy, or at least content. How very incredible, I thought as I took a deep breath and went for the final point, the last truth that I had to say to him so he knew what was happening here. The last debt I would pay to him.

"The strangest part of this whole mess that you and I have become is the way that you really feel about me. You are a true idiot if you think that you have concealed any part of it from me, and I have seen every foolish and desperate attempt that you made to hide it, as well. I know you don't mean any of the awful things you tell me, you're just bluffing and you know it as I know it. You are obvious and you are shallow, and your petty and mistreated feelings deserve to be expressed, but you refused. You refuse today and you have for ages and ages, and it is becoming very ridiculous, and very wasteful. Seto, you and all you have ever been has wasted so much of my time that I almost wish that we had never met. I cannot finish that wish, only because I love you with everything that I have, everything that's left of me after all this spent and used life is gone for good, and still ever after, I will think only of you. And no matter how childishly you hide it, you cannot deny that you feel exactly the same way. Go ahead and try if you like. But I think that you won't, because you will look even uglier and sadder on the outside than you already are on the inside. So, rather than let you destroy what has become of us, I will keep the remaining pieces and take them with me. And I will leave you with nothing. For the last few _thousand _years, Seto, thousands of years were talking about here, I spent them on you and you alone, and none of it on myself. And you, you took them from my willing hands and then left, with my lives and your own, how good that must have made you feel. Well, I think I know what will make you feel even better. I know, inside me, that what I'm about to give to you will feel better than anything in all the world. You desire this so much, I can see it in you and you ask me for it constantly, but you don't know that I hear you. You can't even hear it. You don't know what it is, but not only do I know, but I'm the only person who can give it to you. Do you still want it? What I keep from you, should I let you have it, what you want so badly to take away...." I smiled so slightly that I wasn't sure if he could see it in the nearly midnight that coated the room still, and to bring reality to my words of promise I lifted one of my hands that rested next to us on the bed we sat on, no more than a foot that was our distance and it was closed in a moment by my hand, reaching his face as it had planned and now rested against the furthest end of the side, so far that it was almost on his neck, and for the first time since I had breathed a word he broke the motionless mask when he saw the impending demise brought by my hand and his eyebrows raised in panic and very real surprise, never in all his time with me had he expected this to be a viable reaction from me. I was just as soft with his handling as I had always been, but it wasn't the nature of my touch, it was the very contact that he was stricken by all in itself, and when the first attack was raised and fired, and my hand found its tracing way across his pale and frozen skin, his eyes were the first to fall. After his immediate and unintentionally quick surrender, he wasn't as aware of the next territory that I planned to overthrow as he would have been, if he hadn't already been stripped of his sight by my swift and sweetly promising gestures of widely accepting forms of interpretation. Whatever he had wanted at first was not the same want that he displayed so clearly now, and I was almost amused at how quickly he changed his pathetic tune. That old song had been overplayed anyway, it was very tired, and I wouldn't be hearing it for a moment, it seemed.

The simple touch had been held at that place on his face that was nearly his neck had been still for a moment, edging his closer on his own, while I just waited for him to fall under. And it worked, in under a minute, he had involuntarily shifted forward until the contact was full, his face had my entire hand, and he wasn't going to stop me at all. I had every chance to exact full and complete revenge, and I could see the endless possibility spanning out, and all the satisfaction it promised. But I remained to myself and my intentions, for they were pure and their was no malice that I could hold to him. I did not have that kind of power. Instead, I continued to offer what he sought but wouldn't take, almost dizzy with a blending of defeat and victory and not knowing which to claim as of yet, and letting me be the deciding factor. My hand moved, catching the last few fingers on his ear by accident, so it seemed, as I moved to run down, down the side of his face, and down towards his shoulder, the only way there was down the skin of his neck, and that was the path I followed in a slow and burning pace that seemed to halt all time, and somehow in the same moment that slowed the world around him, it stirred a desperate pace inside of Seto that raced to an alarming speed in contrast. A pulse so deep, and one that quickened with every second that crawled past him into eternity and longer, and mentally looking backwards at the second that passed him at last, he whipped his head back to look forward into the next approaching moment, and saw it so painfully far ahead of him that he moaned with a hopelessly unfulfilled anticipation, and I almost started at the voiced frustration, had he really been as deeply affected as all this? I moved in with him, what, forty-eight hours ago? Well, never mind, it mattered nothing to my purpose. I knew what it was that he desired more than all else underneath, it was evident now as it always had been to me, and I wished for his happiness. More than my own, and more than life.

The fingers that guided my touch continued as directed and fell as slowly as possible until the last of the exposed skin drew near, and the collar of his shirt was the very end of the road, for now. Only when I followed onto the fabric below did I realize how cold his skin had been, and now my hand was placed up to his collarbone and then fell farther still, pressing harder now to try to warm my fingertips on the clothes he wore, underneath them he was so awful and frostbitten to the touch that it was painful. Painful, but slightly interesting, how someone like him could even physically manifest the truth of what lay inside him, the dark and lonely grip of winter that stole his emotions and froze them until they were solid, and then were pushed and tossed until their frozen forms fell fast and were shattered into a million tiny pieces of ice that would never melt. He was a sad and solemn person and refused to be anything other, and I couldn't force it on him. But I could offer it to him, in a way he couldn't refuse. I broke the focus that the touch traveling down across his stomach commanded by tossing another invitation onto the fire of my unexplained offering, and I leaned into him with everything of me in a release of resistance, and where there had once been a touch now left only footprints of desire on his neck and shoulder, and I chose that path and I laid my head to the side and faced away. All the while I had him under the newly cast spell of my body, the relentless hand finally reached the very end of the shirt that had originally entered the path and was now at last bypassed, and I slipped underneath it with both of my hands and only initially touched him on his stomach with every fingertip in a nearly scratching upward drag, the barest and warmest of grazing sensation that was warm to me, and an unbearable and burning heat to his frigid and stiffly tensed form, and I felt his involuntary shudder, and an inhuman chill that traveled from the very top of his head, and following his spine it made its way in seconds to his feet and was lost through them, but his breath had raised itself in a slightly pausing pace that questioned the very nature of what it was that I was trying to give him, exactly. He would know in moments, and I enjoyed my time with him as I had always wanted to, trusting and caring as he hadn't ever permitted me to. I nearly lost my nerve as the ice on his skin entered through my fingertips and I took my hands around his waist suddenly and with my arms around him I leaned in even closer until there wasn't a place left on him that I didn't feel, and I loved that place that I always knew was in there. This was a hope that had finally come true for me, and my face was still rested on his shoulder as he held me finally, not able to see my face as I smiled. I smiled and it was all that I could ever want, contained inside, and I captured it within the expression and held to it so tight, I loved this moment and this place, and I loved him, and this was the best moment I ever remember sharing with him, ever in any lifetime throughout all of history.

My arms tightened around him as I strained to place all my strength around him and claim him for a single moment, and after it left us behind, I knew it was the right time to let him take his need and have it fully for himself, he couldn't share a thing and I knew it. This had to be completed, if not for the present and future, then at least for Sethe and Zahra, who had been caught in this terrible and never ending cycle of love fueled by hate, and now had no way to escape into rest, and unable to reason with one another any longer. Clinging desperately to painful memories because they had been destroyed before they could express their newfound love to one another, and both of them had seen it in the eyes of the other as they awaited the flames that would consume the two. Admitting to one another the truth had been their last moment in time, and it had been perfect and beautiful, forming a deeper connection that enabled Zahra to locate Sethe and they began to tread the path that I now stood at the very edge of, the end if it and the final destination was reached, and I waited just a few moments more. I wondered how their relationship had been before that moment, judging from the way they spoke about that particular life and its events, and I decided that it must have been a long and difficult road that led them to that tragic end so soon, but the results had manifested in their last words, and how strange for such a passionate love to be born from this tale I had heard of two opposing forces that were faced in a heated battle with every waking moment, the very presence of one would send the other mad, and then the other would instantly be mad as well, and all in a matter of seconds with no rhyme or reason, just a driving rage and unfulfilled emptiness that drained the two of them in a common weakness. But even all the touching and romantic feelings that grew and came to be could not make them get along, and they would never grow together because people who wouldn't release their older and less able selves would never grow to be the complete and open souls that could sustain a love like theirs would be. They had to go, and I had to do this for all of us, for he and I, and both of them, we were against the wall and lost for sure. And that was why I would let him have his selfish and foolish way in the end, because if Sethe didn't rest and move on, then Zahra wouldn't either. And as long as they remained, the places that were filled inside Seto and I were keeping us from having even a fraction of what they had, and still could have if they would only let us. They were lost and so tired, and they didn't see what would happen if they just let it all go. They were so afraid of losing one another, but they were driving each other apart with the fear, failing to notice that Seto and I were the only chance they had and we were so close, but still missing that place inside that was stolen and instead filled with a dead feeling. A feeling that could be alive again. And I would bring the end of them, and with it the beginning of us. So strong my conviction and the love for all involved that it stole away my fear and worries, and I smiled into his shoulder once more, and then lifted my head up high while keeping my hold on him tight, and looked at him with everything I felt, and with the smile that made me feel alive for all time. His eyes grew wide with a shock of disbelief, where had I found the place where a feeling such as this resided? He thought surely that it could never be from him alone, but he was wrong, because all there was to me was him, and it had always been that way. He would see it now for what it was.

"I know what you want more than any thing, what you desire most of all, and I have it and no other will ever be able to give it to you. And this is something you already know, so I am not worried or frightened of anything, except the destruction of our future through the mistakes of our past. I hope that by the time you see what I mean, it will not be too late. Don't forget, this is never over, and I will never make you run away from me again...." I acted in haste, wanting to finish before my will was gone. Doing the right thing is always the most devastating part of life, no matter what, the right choice will show itself and it is so miserable, but I was happy to bear it in this case. I swiftly released his waist from my grasp and unwound my arms from him, and in an instant both hands were already holding to his face in a stilling move that he had no escape from. I fell forward into him and I kissed him for the very first time, in this life as Joey and Seto who had never kissed before, and yet he tasted just as I knew he always had. Strange, like how snow would taste if you put some in your mouth the very instant that it left it's snowing cloud, falling on your tongue in the same space and time as it fell from the cloud, freezing and melting at once, forming and disbanding in a moment unreal and fantastic, and impossible to comprehend all the theoretical flavors and sensations of the event described that just could never happen, which was why I could never explain to him why I liked it so much. But still I did, and although I felt it slightly familiar it was still a physically new and unexplored level of proximity that we shared, that he shared without hesitation or expectancy, and the moment ended in a matter of moments. We had never been able to fall in love yet, so the intensity would never be sparked into existence if I didn't let it all go. So I did. Pulling back again just for the width of an inch or so, I saw his face and he did not know what I was going to do, but he was suddenly scared at the question that had been so vaguely propositioned, and the way to the answer had been equally cryptic, and I had done that on purpose. If he knew, he wouldn't have enjoyed himself as much as I was able to, even in the knowledge of the end. I leaned back to him but turned my head slightly so I went further, past his face and just before my lips touched to his ear I stopped, not able to help the breath that crept along his neck as I told him what I would do.

"Here, I have this to give you, because you will accept nothing else, and you know in your heart that this is what you wish to take from me. Well, now I wish for you to take it, and I won't allow you to do anything else. I am sorry for what we have done to one another, and I hope that I am not too late in my realization of what we must do in order to rescue our chance. Don't be sad....this is the happiest I've ever been, and its because of you, and because I realized that I found a way fix this. I'm only crying because Zahra is....and he knows the same things that I know. Sethe, you can go now. I'm sorry for chasing you, even when you showed me the signs that you no longer wished to be chased. Don't run away anymore, I won't be behind you if you turn around." The tears that were his became my own as I told Seto the rest of my mind, and he was just still and quiet, as if he was screaming out to me in his mind, louder than anything had ever been before in desperation to the brink of insanity. But somehow holding it in with respect for the decision that he had never been strong enough to make, and somehow knew that I would. And this would be the last thing that I ever did for Seto Kaiba. The rest of the entire story, and the future I tried so desperately to save, was now fully and in all ways his and under his command. I would never set another foot in pursuit of him. He knew how I felt, and he needed to focus on how he felt. And I would wait until he knew what he wanted, and I would accept whatever it was he found within himself. He couldn't hear my thoughts, and his patience wore extremely thin in the intense and nerve-racking stillness that surrounded the hurricane of motion that was stuck dead without warning it its place.

"I give you your freedom, from me, and from all my affection. It is the only thing I have never offered to you. It's yours, so take it, it won't hurt my feelings. This is how much I wish for your happiness. If you find it, I will find mine as well. So show me what it is that makes you the happiest in this world. I will wait for as long as it takes for you to find it, but I can't help you, and I'm sorry. This is the only help I can offer." I shut my eyes tightly so the tears that were forming would be cast away, and they fell from my eyes and fell on his shoulder, and I began to stand up from the bed where he sat, as a forlorn and broken picture of the very moment that someone took his hope away, and I felt so much worse than I ever had, but he would never learn to treat me with care if he didn't know just how much he cared in the first place. He could do it, I knew he could, and I leaned back in quickly and kissed him once more on the cheek, and spoke again, but as I was standing before him he was accepting my retreat and he didn't move as I told him the last things on my mind, and one very small and solitary tear was the very last thing that I noticed on his face as I pulled away in a hurry to escape and ran out of the room as I had ran inside, both ways it had been my only intention to help Seto, and never would I feel right again until I knew he was happy.

" It doesn't matter to me in the slightest what it is that you desire. What's important is that you discover what it is. I will always hope that it's me you want, and whatever it is I will stop at nothing to make sure you have it. It doesn't make any difference if you love me, so don't say that you do. I love you regardless, and I will give you anything you ask of me. All of our hope is your and I'm leaving here for good. I can't come back until you ask, and when you come across the question, you will know. So....good-bye. And Good-bye to Sethe as well, and Zahra, for both of them will fall asleep if the memories are abandoned by either one. And then it will be the two of us alone, and the feelings of another world will be gone and lost, and you will see how it is that Seto feels, because Sethe is dead and wandering in pain. I can't let them do this any longer......so...I have to leave now....bye, Seto."

AN:I knew it had sap potential. I just had to milk it right. No, actually, this was really close to making me puke and it' s still kinda lingering....uh. I hope you like it, because I secretly like it too, although I guess it's not so secret so....yeah. Hi. Do you believe in a happy ending? It awaits...


	11. Chapter Eleventh

Clear Vision

A Seto/Joey fanfic by subaruxkamui4ever

AN: Yes. The ultimate angsting is back. And it is angstier than ever. I mean to finish this story with a few more chapters, since I have recently come to see how it will all "go down", as they say. But alas, a happier ending than even I had thought could be awaits you! Honestly! I am being serious! The smiles will take you all!

And finally, I apologize for not updating this story sooner, but here is my formula to explain why it did not happen.

Work at a toy store Christmas shoppers/10 hour shifts no puppyshipping. Blame the holidays.

My footsteps continued to carry me farther away from Seto and Sethe, with each passing second. I ran so fast, and each beat of my frantic heart seemed to match the terrible pace that my shoes pounded into the floor, taking me down the staircase and straight through the seemingly endless string of rooms and spaces that I still found so completely unfamiliar. Almost as unfamiliar as the pangs of defeat that repeatedly sounded inside my mind, echoing throughout my soul and threatening to finally break my heart in two. This just can't be the end, it can't…can it? My thoughts are screaming so loud, louder than anything I've ever heard, save the deafening sound of the way I said goodbye. The tears come faster as the sadness casts itself over my entire sense of being, and I see the front door at long last. Am I taking this way, after all? My mind dashed backwards momentarily to that moment early this morning, when Seto challenged my will.

"Where were you off to in such a hurry? Giving up after all?"

I wasn't giving up, Seto. And I'm hopeful still. I hope that you see. You are the only one for me, and you always have been, in this life and every other.

Reaching the door at last, I feel my body try to hesitate, and I overpower the urge completely. This eternal cycle cannot be allowed to continue. Zahra would have to release his memories if Set and I were to ever have a chance, and I knew that I would have to face my inner demon on my own. I knew that that was what Zahra truly was, he was a demon, possessing my dreams and living on after his time was spent. No matter how unjustly cut short his life may have been, he was still never supposed to linger within me, inhibiting my chance to right the wrongs that had befallen him and Sethe. No, no matter how much I cared for Zahra, I had to send him to sleep, where he belonged. I could only hold the hope in my heart that Seto could find it in himself to do the same with Sethe. Otherwise, our chance would be lost at once.

I crash outside through the door in my haste, and slam it shut behind me, never looking back. I wouldn't look back, for fear of falling short of my own expectations. I knew that I could get along somehow, even if he never came for me. If Seto truly found that he loved me, or at least felt anything for me that wasn't a residual feeling of Sethe's, then I would no doubt see him before this was all over. But if not…I decided to not give the thought any time, instead I needed to focus on the future that was coming to pass in a rush all around me. Dealing with specters from the past is a tricky thing, and not something I would normally be messing with. I know far better, if not before this ordeal, then now more than ever. Never again did I want to have to go through anything this heartbreaking or trying on my soul ever again. Events happening all around me seemed to come too quickly, and yet every time I looked up it seemed as if no time at all had passed to either Seto or I. I realized that Friday had been the start of all of this…between us. It was now Sunday afternoon, and it seems as though years have passed in the spaces that separate us from being close as one. Thinking back over all that had happened over the weekend and marveling over the endlessness of the time that hadn't really passed, my feet found the streets that were once so familiar to me, and I took off to my home. Well, my house, that is. I left my home behind, just minutes ago.

I know the way back from here, it's really not all that far from where I've been living. Even though I know where I'm going, deep inside me I have this feeling that each step I take is driving me farther and farther from where I belong, taking me instead to a place I desperately need to escape from. It doesn't matter. I have nowhere else to go. I tore blindly through the streets and sidewalks, ignoring any and all passersby. Nothing reaches me in my state, which was my first and foremost mistake. My second mistake, and the worst by far, was the exact second that I chose to dash into the street at such a frantic and haphazard pace. Sometimes you have to own up to the ridiculous decisions you make, even in an emotional panic. We are always in control of our own selves, regardless of how devastated or incapable we may feel.

What I heard next I will never forget.

It's the same noise that everyone else describes hearing in the second they are hit by an oncoming car. Just like me.

An awful mess of tearing skin and emotions was all that I could hear over the screaming halt of tires on pavement, and it was only a momentary feeling, because it somehow drove me over the edge of sanity in under a single second. I felt the ground as I fell fast into it but in some other place, perhaps in my heart, I fell farther still. With nothing to grasp or hold myself together with, I instantly came apart. A terrible weight pressed down from above, and I knew that I would have to descend farther still, no doubt until I reached the bottom of my soul, the place where Zahra resided, hidden underneath my feelings and the ways that I truly thought. Becoming transparent within them and swiftly moving throughout my consciousness, masking his love with the evidence of my own. That would have to stop, here and now. His intent was not evil or unjust, but nonetheless, this was my life. My feelings for Seto were my own, and they were not for Sethe, although I did feel sorrow and pain for the both of them. They just were not meant to be. But in denying this truth, they had nearly destroyed the chance they had in this life, as Seto and Joey, and my only intention was to help all four of us to move on for once and forever.

I was on my way to finishing everything between Zahra and I. He needed to be put to rest, and I was the only one who could show him the way. Whether he saw it or not, it was the only way out. And only one of us would be able to come out in control of Joey Wheeler. But I was sure that, with Seto's help, I would be the one. As long as I had him to come home to, I would be the one that came home.

If I still had a body to claim, that is. But I couldn't feel a thing anymore.

AN: This is deathly short, but it came to an ending note, and I'm not really sure just how it all goes down as of yet. See, I always know how the stories end, but achieving that foreseen ending is never the most obvious path. So it goes. But I am back, and the night is still young. I mean to finish this one soon, because the next one is already eating away at the back of my brain, it hurts!


	12. Chapter Twelfth

Clear Vision

A Seto/Joey fanfic by subaruxkamui4ever

AN: Well, hi there. Look, I know that Joey getting run down by traffic wasn't very nice of me. I'm sorry, Joey. But it was necessary, I needed him to be unconscious for a while! And he was running around all crazy like, what did he expect? Trust me, this is the only way to the happy ending I so desperately crave! Just one, I know I've got one in me somewhere! I've been constantly building and re-building my SetoxJoey website (see my author page), so that accounts for a lot of my time, but I've been doing a lot more writing as of recently, so this story should be wrapping up soon. It even seems almost over, all Seto and Joey need to do now is fall in _LUUUUV.… _

As I continued to fall deeper within myself, the world continued as scheduled, stopping for nothing and no one. Whoever it was that had hit me had called for help immediately, and within minutes my body was on its way to the nearest hospital, taking me along unaware. My descent into the darkest recesses of my own self continued for some time, so I feel that you should know what Seto is doing as this is happening to me.

Seto, upon hearing some awful commotion just outside of his house, remembered at once my sudden departure and threw himself out of bed, running over to the window across his room and threw open the drapes for the first time in so long, letting the forbidden light of the sun stream into his room unbridled. Blinking and squinting into the daylight, his eyes focused slowly and took in the scene that lay just beyond the edge of his property. As the details of the accident came into focus, the already frigid blood in his veins nearly iced over completely as the reality of the situation formed in his mind – I had been struck down, and possibly killed. And in Seto's mind, it was all his fault. All the pettiness and harsh words of the last moments we had spent together came at him all at once in a tangled mess of regret and grasping desperation. It couldn't end this way, he thought. Even if I had been annoying and oppressively happy, the moments he had spent in solitude after my leaving had already sent the pangs of loneliness into his heart. And now, I might never come back. Even if he had decided to come and claim me, now he wasn't sure if I would even be there for the taking. That final thought proved to be too much for Seto to bear, I had to be alive, he wouldn't allow me to die before he could claim what was rightfully his! Seto grew angry with himself for not acting sooner, but he knew that no matter what, I would be his and only his the second that I regained consciousness. Sethe would have to get his own undeserving boy to insult.

In all honesty, whoever this Sethe really was, he had most certainly worn out his welcome as far as Seto was concerned. Especially after that last little outburst, when he had taken over Seto's body for a few moments. Not long enough to make his presence known, but just long enough to cause plenty of damage to me, which had really done nothing but piss off Seto to no foreseeable end. No, this little game that the Priest was playing with Seto's mind was about to come to a close. Nobody takes control of Seto Kaiba. With that final thought, Seto rushed out of the room, and into the blinding light of day. He had so much to make up for, and precious little time to do it in, if he had the time left at all. Each step placed more quickly than the next, Seto Kaiba left his house, armed with nothing but the furious intent to reclaim what had always been rightfully his, and no others.

Meanwhile, as my body was being rushed around an emergency room hallway in the hopes that I could be revived, I found myself quite awake, although not at all in a place that I found familiar. I had not woken up at all, I realized as I turned my head each way and saw absolutely nothing in every conceivable direction. I was surrounded by an impenetrable black void from all around, and even as I looked down to see what it was that I stood upon I saw only darkness beneath my worn and tattered shoes. I realized, after looking down at the floor of nothing, that I had been here once before. This was the place inside my soul where Zahra remained, residing deep within me in a place that was so very hard to find. But I had come here again at last, and I intended to finish this once and for all. The last time I had been here I was able to communicate with Zahra through my own reflection that manifested in the dark floor under my feet. Remembering, I crouched down just as before and looked into the place just below my face, leaning in as far as I could without actually making contact with the reflective surface. But this time, there was nothing at all. How could that be? Blinking in confusion, I drew my head back a little ways, wondering if I had done something wrong. Maybe it didn't work the same every single time. It's not like I was an expert in this sort of thing, but I had to figure this out.

Trying it a second time, I leaned in to the perceived floor only slightly, hoping that maybe the first time I was just looking too hard. Still, I saw no reflection, only endless black depths below me. And then, just before I stood back up in defeat, I caught something out of the corner of my eye, and I looked closer at the space just under my left foot. There, not so clearly at first but becoming more visible as I stared at the right spot, was a boy who looked a good deal like me, but it wasn't at all a reflection. It was too far away, and while he bore a striking resemblance to me, there were still clear differences, even though he seemed to be at least 8 or 10 feet away. I saw him from the side, he looked as though he were lying on the floor, crying. He was alone, and I instantly felt his sorrow upon noticing it, making the connection between us real. He must have felt my eyes upon him, because he turned to face me and met my eyes in a way that made it clear he was able to see me, just as I could see him. I felt a single tear slowly run across my cheek, I knew exactly how he felt, for I felt the same rejection and pain that he did. The same tear made it's way down his own face, and he knew that I could feel what he felt.

"Zahra!" I called out to him and lifted my hand towards the floor, reaching out to him and hitting an invisible surface, the same surface that had reflected my own image previously, and the one that I was able to stand upon at that moment. It was as if a transparent barrier separated us, an endless wall of glass that kept his memories and broken feelings apart from my own, ensuring that he would not be lost within the true Joey, the only Joey that was meant to exist today. This must be where he had been hiding all this time, how I was able to live my life and not realize his existence until he made himself known to me intentionally. Placing both hands upon the barrier, I called his name again, hoping that he would respond, and perhaps come and speak with me a second time. He heard me, but he did not respond, and instead turned his back to where I knelt. Slowly standing up from where he lay, I saw that he was still dressed in the same clothes he has been wearing when he and Sethe were killed, the same clothes from my dream.

Standing still for just a moment with his back turned to me, I saw his hesitation when I called his name a second time, and for just a second I thought that he would respond. But then, as if in a panic, he took off running, and disappeared into the darkness below. My head dropped down in defeat, was there any way for me to contact him again? I began to wonder if he knew of my intent, or if he was just deeply hurt by the sharp and cutting words of the priest earlier this morning. Zahra would no doubt react the same way to both threats to his existence, but I had no intention of harming him in any way. I wanted to show him how we could both be happy, if he would be willing to listen. I had to find Zahra, and show him the way to rest.

I would have to follow him into his own memories and thoughts. It was a terrifying notion, but I knew that there was no other way, he wasn't going to come out on his own, and I couldn't go on living with him holding that space in my heart hostage for a man I did not love. I made up my mind at once, but still I was unsure of how to pass through the wall that separated the two of us. Pushing experimentally on the surface below me, it was just as though I were standing on any solid ground, and was obviously immovable. An idea came into my mind suddenly, and I stood up immediately, realizing exactly what it was I had to do in order to follow him.

I had to let it all go.

I took a deep breath and steadied myself on my feet, drawing my mental body up to it's full height. This was for Seto, I repeated over and over as I prepared for the descent. Lifting my arms until the were parallel to the floor beneath me, I stretched them outward as far as they could reach, away from my sides, and from far away I looked almost to be crucified upon absolutely nothing at all. Resolving myself fully, I understood what it was that I needed to breach within myself, and in that moment I was as ready as I would ever be.

I let it all go, and I slowly allowed myself fall backwards into the transparent nothing below, trusting in my heart that I would make it through.

AN: OOOHH! I'm so excited to know what happens! These sequences that take place in the landscape of Joey's mind are by far my favorite parts of this story to both read and write. I wish something cool like this would happen to me! But alas, it never does….where are my inner demons? They're not doing a very good job at possessing me.


	13. Chapter Thirteenth

Clear Vision

A Seto/Joey fanfic by subaruxkamui4ever

AN: I return to you all as the newly crowned "Prince of Anime Angst". I have never been more proud of anything else in my entire life, and I thank you all for your fantabulous reviews. They keep me warm at night, and you all flatter me so very much, and I am truly grateful for each and every opinion. But this golden statue….(cries profusely) is so wonderful and shiny that I wish I could really hold it in my hand. Ahhhhhhh….. well, here is some more angst for you all, and for me as well. The other day, I made the mistake of re-reading The Urgency of Life, because of the new oneshot I wrote for it (already posted it, if you wanted to know), and I straight up cried for like, 45 minutes. Never again will I read something that I wrote, that's sobbing grounds, I swear. Here, however, is the beginning of the end for Clear Vision. As it draws to a close, I find myself worried, because of the hollow and empty days that will undoubtedly follow, with nothing to drag me out of bed. Except, perhaps, a new angsty and very drawn out fic of epic proportions that has already formed in the back of my mind. Will it never end? Oh, Seto and Joey, there will be no rest for you as long as I'm around…..

The sensation of breaking the boundary of my own soul was the most painful experience of my short life. While still much less painful than what was soon to follow, my form became racked with torment in my mind, it was almost unbearable and yet I knew that there was no escape, and no way to turn back from this point on. The previously endless silence that permeated the landscape of my inner heart was broken the moment I fell through the barrier that Zahra had placed between the two of us, and in the instant that I passed through, a terrifying scream tore throughout my mental form, and as it continued on and on I recognized it slowly as my own. I simply could not stop screaming, the anguish was far too large a burden on my unsuspecting mind. Through my torment I was able to open my eyes and see what had become of me, and my cries of pain froze momentarily in my throat as I gasped aloud at what had come to be my surrounding, here in Zahra's realm.

Flames ravaged it endlessly. Everything was nothing but a terrible fire, all around me, within me even, and spanning out in every possible angle and space, as far as I could see and endlessly farther still. I felt a heat engulfing me wholly, a burning that was not like a burning whatsoever, but rather like a flame made of the purest form of ice, it seemed so cold here, yet it was so intensely hot in the same awful second. I fell through the flickering blaze and into another, they made up the whole of Zahra's world, and I realized at once that this was where he had been residing for all this time. I knew then that I could fall here for an eternity if I chose, as he had chosen, and I would still never find the place where the flames had not yet reached and taken hold. His entire existence was the fire, the same one that had taken his life, and the life of the only person Zahra had ever loved. I cried tears of both terrible pain and unending sorrow, Zahra _lived here, _this was every moment of his stolen life hidden inside my heart. An undying and ever excruciating fire that consumed him forever and for always, and would continue to do so until the day that he finally let his memories go. This was his punishment for not following the natural order of reincarnation, for standing up and following his heart, trying so desperately to be reunited with Sethe. He spent every moment reliving the very last moment of his life, an eternal cycle that he refused to break, instead choosing the only available alternative, which was to endlessly live in the last moment he spent alive. How terribly unfortunate that he had been burned to death.

The tears that I cried in my heart were instantly burned away from my face, and I could feel the intensity of the heat in every corner of my soul, there was nowhere to run from here. This was not my world, this place belonged to Zahra. I knew that I would never land in this world, and the sensation of weightlessness that I felt here was my only reassurance that I was not falling still. I bit back the terrified screams that lay in my throat and instead resolved myself to finishing this place, and rescuing Zahra from a torment that he couldn't end on his own. No one deserved to live this way, and yet he had been carrying on here for 5000 years. It was simply unreal, the extent to which he truly loved the High Priest. But this wasn't right.

"Zahra!" I cried out to him, desperate to be heard over the roar of the fire that consumed both he and I and the realm that we now existed within. I saw him then, just after I called his name, he was just before me. I tried my very hardest to ignore the awful burning, and I reached out to him, he was now just a few inches from my outstretched fingertips. He looked at me calmly as I watched him in the very midst of burning alive, and he never so much as flinched at the flames that felt as though they were taking away one of my lives with each passing second. He must have grown accustomed to them, I thought suddenly, and he watched me closely, not seeming alarmed but instead curious as to why I had remained here in such pain. I had to reach him, I felt it deep inside that this was the way, and I tried harder still, stretching out across the visible fire that he didn't really seem to notice all that much. It was still so very unbearable to me. I made it at last, catching him by the arm and pulling him against my chest, as if he were the one who needed the comfort and support, when clearly I was the one who would have never made it nearly as far as he. I had so much awe and respect for Zahra in that moment, as I realized that I would never have done all of this, living out the most terrifying experience of my life indefinitely for the sake of someone else. I couldn't do it, I thought in a nearly audible way, and cringing in the constant pain I held on to Zahra even tighter, and I think that he sensed my feelings, because he gripped my waist in response, accepting my regret for the way he had to live, and taking my pity wholeheartedly. I knew that he was just as sorry as I was, but he just couldn't bring himself to end it all. He needed my help.

"I'm so sorry…." I gasped out the phrase haltingly as I blinked back the dried out tears of misery that threatened to spill over, and I brought Zahra's form to my eye level and gazed into his lifeless stare. He seemed as though he could just barely make me out in his haze, and I knew that he simply couldn't do this for very much longer. He was losing himself in the fires, and his memories were leaving him slowly, yet he pressed on, Sethe must have been worth so much more than his very self, in Zahra's own mind.

"I love him so very much, and yet….and yet he hates me still. Is there anything left…?" Zahra's voice fell from his lips in a language I did not know, but still I felt every thought and each feeling that lay behind the spoken phrases that he uttered slowly, as if in a dream. Or perhaps, a nightmare. I watched his face, hoping that he would speak again, but he did not. It was all that he had inside.

"Zahra…it time to rest. I swear to you with everything inside of me that I will find a way to reach him. You see…" I met his eyes and it seemed that he saw me at long last.

"You see, I love Sethe as well. But I love who he has become, in this lifetime. And I believe that he loves me, as well. So, you and Sethe will be together, because you _are_ me, Zahra. You and I are the same soul. And the same is true for Sethe and Seto. But you are dead, and you have been for some time now. It's time for you to rest…" I watched his features carefully for his reaction, and hoped for the best. He appeared lost at first, and he seemed to stumble around the words that I spoke, but slowly he came to understand, and he nodded slowly. But then after a moment, his face was stricken in a dead panic, and his grip around me became tighter still, clinging in desperation.

"But all this time, all the misery and the sorrow I've carried with me, has it all been in vain? Had I already lost before it even began?" His eyes welled with fresh tears, but I brought my hand to his eyes and carefully pushed them aside with a small smile of reassurance

"Of course not. If you had not been there to give me those dreams of your death, I never would have come to live with Seto for those few days. And Sethe, if he hadn't been so unruly within Seto and taken hold of him like that, Seto would have never even believed in his existence. Nothing was in vain, Zahra. You did all that you could, and it was enough. It was enough to bring us back together, and it brought you and Sethe back together as well. You saved us all." I smiled at him, and he smiled back, despite the drowning heat of the flames that ate away at our souls, and I embraced him fully.

It seems that every once in a great while, true love really does win out in the end.

"Then I am ready." Zahra set his face in a determined way and pulled away from me, no more than a mere foot or so. "Would you do me a small favor?" His hopeful eyes looked into my own, and I gave him a short nod. "Anything."

"Will you tell Sethe that I'm sorry?"

He was so brave, and I nearly cried right then and there, before he had even gone from me, his selflessness was truly a sight to behold.

"Of course I will."

His smile was brief but honest. "Then it's all right. Everything is in its place, and I will never regret a moment of it. Thank you…" He trailed off as the distance between the two of us closed, and he was suddenly very close to me, within inches were our faces and it was a very sad and silent moment, the final seconds that he would continue to be real. But he would remain real long after his leaving me, for I would always keep him in my memories. He would be a part of my soul, and I would always be a part of him.

I kissed him. To this very day, I cannot describe exactly what it was that possessed me to do this. It seems almost wrong when I tell this story to others, but right at that second, with he and I so very close and with the ever raging inferno all around us and within us at once, I knew that he and I would have to cease our state of separation in some way. He and I were the same soul, and somehow along the way our soul had been shattered, broken in two, and now it needed to be remade. And I knew inside my heart that he and I could make it together. And with that thought, his lips met mine, and I felt an awful rushing sensation, all over both he and I and in the place that we were. The fires that took hold of everything were frozen in that very moment that we touched, and after the kiss was over, each and every inch of flame soundlessly shattered into countless tiny pieces and then were gone a moment later, leaving behind the sane and familiar dark void that felt nearly like home to me. I recognized it immediately as my own mind, and I nearly cried out at the relief that washed over my heart, my mind, and my soul, all in an instant. The terrible anguish was no more, and as I looked around at the black night of my soul that surrounded me indefinitely, I saw that Zahra was no more, as well.

I opened my eyes, and I both felt and saw the warm and welcome light of morning.

AN: Almost done! One more chapter, and then it's on to a new story, which I have already begun. I hope that it is as warmly welcomed as all my other fics have been, but who knows? We shall see. So, did you like the kiss? How can something so wrong feel so very good…..? I love it. If it's forbidden, then I'll write it. yeah.


	14. Final Chapter

Clear Vision

A Seto/Joey fanfic by Katsuya Kaiba

AN: Yeah. I know. I won't bore you with the details, let's just say that I never knew Clear Vision-style levels of depression and angst existed in this world until I experienced it for myself. My gentle friends, I am officially Depressed. Having said that...How are you? I'm fine. No, I'm not. Like I said, this torturous tale of complete and utter loss will no doubt fall upon deaf ears, so if you would actually like to hear my god awful story, it's in the closing author's notes. It's really a pathetic story. More pathetic than Clear Vision. But...maybe less pathetic that Urgency of Life. Now THAT was pathetic. Hoo-boy. Sad.

I opened my eyes, and I both felt and saw the warm and welcome light of morning.

The sunlight cautiously fell upon my face as it seeped and spilled through the cracks and gaps of the heavy hospital drapes. The soft-spoken warmth on my face was one of the very first things I was conscious of, quickly followed by an almost unbearable pain that seared completely across my unwitting stomach and lower back. I moaned aloud unintentionally, the shock of the pain was unexpected and I had been caught off guard by the sheer intensity of it. I wondered if I was going to die. It sure felt that way.

"Joey" Seto's familiar and more than welcome voice carried to me his panicked and shaken state, and I turned my eyes to follow the path across the room, beside the bed, where he sat. As Seto slowly came into focus, my eyes widened and I blinked, shocked at the sight of him.

He was a wreck. Calm, cool, collected Seto was no more, and in his place was this disheveled, hollow eyed mess of a human. Seto had been torn to shreds by worry, I realized. Over me. Not wanting to insult him or ruin this promising moment, I smiled at him reassuringly. He was frozen and sat there motionless, as if unable to comprehend the truth of the situation. Disbelieving that I was awake and alive, and willing to speak to him. He must have thought I truly hated him, stupid boy. I tried so hard to show him that I left because I loved him. Either way, it didn't matter. It all came down to this moment. He looked as though he wanted to speak, but was just too afraid that if he did something, anything, that I would disappear or perhaps die right then and there.

One of his hands clutched my own, I realized, and as I smiled I moved my hand against his, hoping to prove to Seto that I was real, and I was indeed awake. How long had he been living like this?

"You..." Seto tried, and then shook his head and started over.

"You're awake. They said...they told me you might never wake up, that it was all up to you. I was so...It's been over a week now." He trailed off and just stared, into my face as I looked back at his, realizing how these last days must have been for him. I wished that I could have taken it all back, for a moment, but deep down I knew better than that. I had needed to finish this ordeal, and now Zahra was gone. Feeling a new sense of loss that I had never thought existed, silent tears began to escape from underneath my eyelashes and fell down my face, gracing my cheeks with a damp and lonely sorrow. Upon seeing this, Seto lifted his other hand to my face and softened his expression.

"He's gone...isn't he?"

I nodded slowly, afraid that if had tried to speak it wouldn't have come.

"So is Sethe. I ...I fired him." Seto grinned at me, relishing the thought. The smirk that slowly spread across his features seemed to finally lift the empty shadow of doubt that had gripped him, and he began to relax as he grew accustomed to this hopeful reality. He hadn't lost me forever.

Seto's face became more sullen and he spoke again.

"It feels awful, doesn't it? I feel...as though I've lost a piece of myself. As if the place where Sethe was is now hollow and empty without him."

That was exactly the way that I felt, at that moment. But I felt that perhaps it wouldn't last forever. The pangs of loss always fade away as they cross the distance of Time.

"I don't think that we are empty without them." I spoke for the very first time, and my voice strained and split at first, but I continued.

"I think that this is what it feels like to lose love. The love that we used to feel is gone, and I do feel as though I've lost something I cannot live without. But...we can always rebuild that. We may be the luckiest people in the world to have a chance like this one."

We both sat in silence, hearing the possibility of my words and the truth behind them. Looking at Seto, I realized that I could no longer read his thoughts or emotions they way that I had been able to beforehand. That was alright. This wasn't the same person. But this was someone I loved even more, and I knew that this chance would never be wasted on the two of us.

AN: Oh God, it's over. It feels so good. But now I'm sad, cause I really liked this story and now it's over, but at least I didn't kill them off. A reason to smile throughout the day. Next I'm going to work on Eidolon, because that story is gonna be so rockin'! Now, for those of you who want to hear a sob story, see below. If not, thank you so much for reading this humble tale that never truly happened to either Seto or Joey. Although one can dream. Thank you to every single person who reviewed me, in anything I've ever written. Thank you for your honesty and your kind words, I look back on them often. And I hope to see more of all of you in the near future.

My fiancee left me. And I'm still in love with her. And I know I always will be. Is it so wrong to wait for the one you love? To want to help the one that you love. I feel as though she sees it as a burden, but I never want that to be so. I love her unconditionally, whether she loves me back or not. What kind of travesty of a love would I hold in my heart if it died the moment it was not returned? Love is not so easily controlled, and I have nothing but the most honest of love for her. I hope that one day, she will smile at me again. That is enough.

Sorry bout that.


End file.
